Too often I hear men complaining that women won’t respond to their emails after viewing their online dating profiles or return their calls. Men get frustrated and take down their profiles without realizing what they have done wrong. Here are my top 5 reasons why your email may end up in the trash bin and simple ways for you to correct it.
1. No Profile Photo. It’s fine for a woman to be a bit mysterious, but women do not view your missing photo as a challenge. They will think you are hiding something, are married or involved with someone, or are hideous looking. To increase your odds of getting a response, have your photos professionally taken and upload a few to your online dating profile.
2. You Wrote a Novel. Statistically, shorter profiles get read more often. If you compile a lengthy tale of your entire life story and your dream date, it’s a turn-off to most women. Novels are made for publishing houses. There is a fine balance between providing information about yourself and too much information. Leave room to get to know someone in real life. A profile should be a snapshot to pique her curiosity and for her to be excited to receive a call from you.
3. Suggesting a Late Night Date. Just what is the appropriate time of day to have your first date? If you are suggesting something after 8:00 pm, don’t be upset if your call doesn’t get returned. I know a man who left a voicemail message for a woman he had written to three weeks earlier. He wanted to meet her that night as he was planning to be in her neighborhood. He suggested meeting her at 9:00 pm. Regardless of what he was doing earlier in the evening, she pushed delete and conveniently lost his number. If you are interested in meeting someone, a first date shouldn’t start at 9:00 pm. I believe there should be a cut-off rule for first dates. A woman will surmise that someone else was scheduled for dinner and she won’t want to be on the menu for dessert. Suggest a mutually convenient time earlier in the evening.
4. Repeat Offender. You found the perfect profile among the millions of single women online. You write to her. She doesn’t respond within 24 hours. You write again the next day and ask her why she didn’t write back. Perhaps you even write to her a third time thinking she could be “the one.” Some singles are just busy with work, vacations, or other activities and don’t log on daily. Others have an overflowing Inbox and your email may get lost in the crowd. A woman will consider you needy and put you on the bottom of her list if you write to her multiple times. If you really think she is worth pursuing, wait a week or two and write again. Patience is a virtue and the best things in life are worth waiting for. After two emails with no return, I suggest you move on to someone who wants to meet you.
5. The Ex-Factor. Divorced singles are signing up for online dating sites in record numbers. Nothing turns off a woman more than a man talking about his ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, or even ex-job for that matter. Everyone deserves the opportunity for a new beginning. I suggest you leave the baggage behind. Unfortunately some singles use their online dating profile as an opportunity to get back at their ex. It’s just not appropriate and is a turn-off. If you graduate to a phone call from someone you met online, don’t ask questions about her previous relationships, complain about your difficult divorce, talk about your spousal support, or decide to share online dating stories together. Keep your first conversation light with the goal of putting a date on the calendar.
Remember, a healthy relationship will start online based upon mutual interests and common values, but it’s important to take the relationship offline to determine your level of compatibility.
Julie Spira is the author of the bestselling online dating book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She shares her stories to empower singles on the dating scene. Spira has appeared on numerous media outlets for her expertise in online dating including FOX News, E! Entertainment, CosmoGirl Radio, Glamour.com, BBC Radio, Men’s Health, and is the host of “Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert” radio show. Spira creates IRRESISTIBLE online dating profiles for singles looking for love online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and where singles and couples share their online dating stories.