We’ve all heard of first date rules. They forbid talk of taboo subjects like religion or politics, they instruct you to be polite, and to play it cool because god forbid we actually talk about what we want out of life and our relationships.
Most of these rules were designed to keep your first date light and away from serious subject matters. But if you are looking for a serious relationship, it’s time to throw out the rulebooks and get personal on your first date.
After all, it’s been scientifically proven that asking personal questions can lead to an accelerated intimate state between strangers. Vulnerability fosters closeness and intimate questions leads to that vulnerability.
When looking for a happy and fulfilling relationship, you must discuss the things most important to you up front. With that in mind, here are the 5 first date conversation rules you should totally break:
1. Do Talk About What You’re Looking For
I consider “What are you looking for?” the most important question to ask on a first date. If you or the person you are on a date with can’t answer that question, then why are you here?
This is your chance to talk about the future. If you are not on the same page about what you’re looking for, then why waste time pursuing a relationship with someone who isn’t looking for one?
2. Do Talk About Religion
If religion is a big part of your life and you are passionate about it and want your partner to share that with you, you should talk about religion. You shouldn’t preach about it, or judge someone else’s religious beliefs, but you should mention the role that religion plays in your life.
3. Do Talk About Your Family
It’s important to talk about what family means to you with a potential partner. Don’t just talk about your existing family, talk about the family life you are looking to create as well.
There’s no need to talk about your second cousin’s new baby teething, but talking about your parents, siblings, and any traditions you really love to share with them is a really great way to know one another.
4. Do Talk About Work
If you are passionate about it, go for it. Tell that funny story of something that happened in the office last week, or about how much you love what you do. Keep it brief. Do not complain about work or go into a rant about how important you are.
5. Do Talk About Yourself
Don’t be afraid to open up and talk about yourself. Tell the story of your last vacation, or the organization you volunteered for. Your date is there to get to know you.
Make sure to allow the conversation to go both ways. Share yourself and then follow up by asking your date something. Ask questions, but don’t interrogate.
If you are passionate about something, you should talk about it. There’s nothing more attractive than seeing a passionate person filled with joy because they’re talking about their favorite thing.
If it’s important to you, there are no rules for what you should talk about. The only rules are that you use moderation, be authentic, and respectful of the other person’s views if they happen to not agree with yours.
What do you like to talk about on a first date? Which questions drive you crazy?
About the Author:
Ravid Yosef is a Dating & Relationship coach living in Los Angeles. Adamant about sharing the lessons she learned about love and life after cancer, she established LoveLifeTBD.com, a personal blog in April of 2014 and has written over 100 advice articles. Her advice columns and personal essays have been featured on YourTango, Care, Women.com, Fox Magazine, Elite Daily, Thought Catalog, Psych Central, and many other online publications.