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Ask the Experts: What Makes a Man Fall in Love?

By Managing Editor Jeannie Assimos

what makes a man fall in love?

What makes a man fall completely head over heels in love? Sometimes it seems like a complete mystery incapable of ever being solved.  Is it timing, certain qualities he’s looking for, or basic chemistry? Is it the intangibles or the concrete? We posed this frequently-asked question to a variety of well-rounded experts and boiled down their answers into ten items to help make sense of the mystery. It’s the total package you bring to the table, the way you make him feel, and the happiness you have when you’re around each other. Here’s what they had to say. Hint: it has nothing to do with measurements or money…just what makes the two of you click.

1) Why Does He Fall for One Woman Over Another?

“He has to be ‘captivated’ by the total package of her…her personality, her brain, her body, her smell, her unknowable, mysterious allure…his brain has to feel he can’t live without her…that she must be a part of his future!”

Louann Brizendine, M.D., author of The Male Brain

2) He Feels Like He Can Make Her Happy

“Ultimately what men and women want is the same—they want to feel connected, they want to feel attraction, and to experience passion. A man is looking for a woman with a smile. Men bond with women when men feel successful in making them happy. A woman needs to focus less on making her man happy, and focus more on how he makes her happy.”

John Gray, Ph.D., author of the Mars Venus Book series

3) It’s All Part of the Journey

“Falling in love feels like an accidental occurrence to many people, but in spiritual terms it is not—it is the entrance point to love’s eternal journey.”

Deepak Chopra, M.D. and author of the book Spiritual Solutions: Answers to Life’s Greatest Challenges

4) The Way He Feels Around Her

“A man falls in love when he feels like he could be a super hero with you in his life. When he feels accepted, appreciated and understood, and knows he can make you happy…he will be yours. Oh…and throw in that he thinks you’re hot!”

Relationship Coach Bobbi Palmer, Date Like a Grownup

5) When She’s Open to Love

“A man will fall in love when you give off the signals that you are truly looking for—and ready for—lasting love. The cues you give off are everywhere: Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable and really let him see who you are? Are you confident in your sense of self? Do you know what you want from life and where you are headed? Another key element in showing you’re ready for love is having a strong sense of respect, both for yourself and for him. Men want to know that you think they are worthy of love. They also need to see that you know you are deserving of love. Men will fall in love with someone who is open, receptive, and ready to be loved.”

Dr. Shannon Kolakowski, Licensed Psychologist and Author

6) She’s the Total Package

“The answer doesn’t sound sexy, but a man falls in love when his feelings for a woman reach a critical mass. He spends time with her and he sees that she is kind, loving, affectionate, loyal, fun, sexy, and of a positive spirit in quantities that reach a certain weight. One day he thinks, ‘Wow, I love this woman.’ He may not know why, but his mind/heart have taken a look at her in an in-depth way.”

Grant Langston, CEO, eHarmony

7) She Says “Yes” to the Game of Life

“Finding a person who fits into his life without huge disruptions is important. Men may like to ogle high-maintenance women, but they’re not the women they marry. A willingness to say, ‘Yes, I’ll try that’—whether it’s trying exotic food he likes, sports he plays, places he wants to go—makes a man fall hard. It’s not to say that you have to love everything he loves…but at least you’re willing to try!”

Cathleya Schroeckenstein, Editor-in-Chief, Weddingbee

8) There’s Purpose and Passion

“No other emotion seems more mysterious than love. At its core, falling in love is driven by our desire for happiness. It’s often sparked by physical attraction; it lasts with deep points of connection that leave him feeling purposeful, fulfilled, attractive, energized and…loved.”

Executive and Life Coach Barbara Waxman

ALSO READ: What is love?

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