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Three Big Relationship Myths

by Eharmony Editorial Team - September 7, 2010

Have you fallen prey to common relationship myths? If so, you're not alone. Read on to discover what they are...

These relationship and online dating myths are so widespread, it’s no wonder most of us believe them. But doing so can be keeping you from the love and romance you desire with the man who is truly right for you.

Relationship Myth #1: Giving = Getting

We’ve all heard about the law of attraction that says if we put out a positive vibe and think positive thoughts, then we will get the same in return. The law of karma is also in the same vein: do good deeds and you will reap in kind. And while these two premises are valuable, they’re NOT the same as thinking that giving a lot to a man will somehow inspire him to do the same for you.

You would think that in order to get more affection and romance from a man, you have to become more affectionate and romantic yourself. You might think that if you buy him gifts, tell him you love him first, cook for him, and offer him a lot of advice and encouragement that he will reciprocate.

But here’s the interesting thing about men: they don’t fall in love because of how much they receive. And they don’t stay in love because you’re sacrificing a lot for them.

Men fall in love when they are able to give to a woman.

Yes, it’s true that every relationship requires give and take. But remember this: don’t give a man more than he has given you, and that includes expressions of love. Instead, get comfortable with the idea of receiving. Allow a man to shower you with his gifts, including attention and affection. Let him lead the relationship forward rather than coordinating the details of your time together. The way you give back to him is letting him know when he does something to please you. When a man feels that he is appreciated, he will naturally come closer to you, and you won’t feel the need to “win him over” by continuously giving of yourself.

Relationship Myth #2: Exclusivity Leads to Commitment and Marriage

It seems fairly straightforward: you meet a man, start dating, become his exclusive girlfriend, and get married. And sometimes it does work this way. But becoming exclusive with a man does not guarantee that he will propose, and it actually deters you from finding your Mr. Right.

Instead, treat dating as it was meant to be: as a way for you to meet lots of different men, take the time to get to know them, find out what you’re looking for in a relationship, and learn about yourself in the process. While it may be tempting to close yourself from other options when you meet a man you really click with, don’t rush into it. Continuing to meet other men and accept invitations from them not only prevents you from investing your hopes in one man, but it cuts you off from meeting the man whom you can have the relationship of your dreams with.

So, until you have the commitment you’re looking for from a man – whether it be an engagement ring or a wedding date – keep yourself in circulation. And, if you have truly met a special man, he will seize the opportunity to have you all to himself and initiate a commitment with you.

Relationship Myth #3: Showing a Man Your Feelings Will Scare Him Away

We women have come to believe that men get scared away by feelings, and so we tend to stuff our emotions down for fear of creating any tension with a man.

But the truth is that men are not averse to feelings – it’s drama that turns them off. When you can embrace your feelings and communicate them to a man in plain language and in a way that does not blame or criticize him, a man will breathe a sign of relief. At last he has met a woman who can relate to him without letting her emotions control her!

How does this work in practice? Say he’s late. Instead of telling him, “I can’t believe you’re late again; it’s so inconsiderate!” You could try: “I feel really frustrated when I’m waiting for someone. I don’t like waiting, and I don’t want to hide that from you. What do you think we can do to work this out?”

Not only are you giving him the chance to resolve the issue with you, but you are also keeping your feelings from festering inside and leading to anger. You’re keeping the communication lines open, and this leads to a closer, more connected relationship.


Having a good relationship requires undoing some of the old patterns and habits that have been getting in the way of love. To learn how to do this to inspire a man’s lifelong devotion. subscribe to Rori’s free e-newsletter. You’ll learn entirely new ways to relate to a man that will bring him closer and make him see you as the one woman he can’t be without.