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‘No One Likes My New Partner. Should I Care?’

by Jeannie Assimos - May 29, 2013

Today’s guest blog comes from licensed psychologist Dr. Sherrie Campbell, who reveals how to deal with a really tough situation in your romantic life. What do you do if absolutely none of your friends or family are digging your new beau? Don’t ignore it, for starters…

What do you do when you are in love and your friends don’t like your new partner? You really like this person, they make you happy and things are going well. Things stop going well within you, however, when you begin to feel in the middle of your friends and your new relationship. You find that with your new love you are defending and explaining your friends — and with your friends you are defending and explaining your new love. So how the heck are you going to make these two parts of your life come together? At what point do you learn to live for yourself without feeling like you have to prove yourself and your choices to everyone?

Here are five steps to finding your answers:

Analyze the situation (with your eyes wide open!): Could jealousy or envy be a part of their dislike? Does your new love treat your friends with kindness and respect? Is your new love flirtatious with any of your friends? Is he/she attentive to you? Do they treat you respectfully in front of your friends? Do you complain about your new partner to them? Try to see from their perspective what this person could possibly being doing that they view as negative.

Consider their feedback: If you can see that something they are saying about your new partner is true, take this information in and decide how you want to handle it. Do you need to explain to your friends that your new love does not mean these behaviors in a negative way to help them better understand his/her personality?

Question your partner: Do you feel pressured to be with your new love and not your friends? Does he/she talk to you nicely and treat you with respect? Is your new love self-sufficient and responsible? If you notice that they are being rude to your friends, then it is up to you to create the peace. Keep in mind that if your new partner deeply cares for you, then they will treat your friends with respect.

Question your friends: Do you feel pressured not to see your new love to be with your friends? Do you feel threatened you will either lose them or your new beau because there is not enough of you to please everyone? Sometimes friends really are just being too needy, which is part of the reason that communication is so important here. If it is really your friends who are jealous then there is not much you can do about that except to tell them it is what it is and eventually, if they are true friends, they will adjust and be happy for you.

Balance your time: If your friends think you are not spending enough time with them, then you need to do something to repair that. Do not lose touch with them. Commit to putting them into your schedule. There is no friend out there who will be ok with being totally abandoned for your new relationship.

Because you treasure your friends, find ways to let them know they are invaluable to you. Ultimately it is not up to your friends who you should or should not date. Take into consideration that sometimes it is the people outside of you who have a clear view into how someone is treating you. When you are in love you can justify things which are not or should not be justified in the name of love. Consider their feedback and then communicate. Communicate with both your friends and your new love directly. However, keep in mind you are here to have your own lessons in life and those lessons can only come from experiencing the consequences of your decisions.

If you are in a relationship with someone your friends do not like, they will need to accept your decision if you choose to stay because they will know you have to walk this path to learn.

Little life message: Do not lose yourself trying to prove yourself. Follow your heart and walk your path.

Dr. Sherrie Campbell is an author and a licensed psychologist with more than 19 years of clinical training and experience. She provides practical tools to help people overcome obstacles to self-love and truly achieve an empowered life.  She is featured regularly on national online media and has a successful practice in Southern California.  Get her article on Five Ways to Make Love the Common Ground in Your Communication.  Receive free insights from Sherrie through her Facebook community.