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The Right Way to Be A Tease

by Eharmony Editorial Team - September 6, 2011

Teasing is NOT about game playing or manipulation – it’s about being the playful, sometimes unpredictable woman that sparks attraction in a man.  Read on to learn why this is so important in creating a solid relationship.

Teasing is NOT about game playing or manipulation – it’s about being the playful, sometimes unpredictable woman that sparks attraction in a man.  Read on to learn why this is so important in creating a solid relationship.

What is it that gets a guy to ask you out, keeps you on his mind, and makes him keep moving a relationship forward?  One word:  Attraction.  And not just any kind of attraction, but what I call emotional attraction. This is when a man feels a connection for you that goes beyond the physical.  So how do you create this level of curiosity, intrigue, and interest?

When dating, a great way to create attraction with a man is to do and say things that interject fun and humor into your relationship from the very start.  There’s nothing more appealing to a man than a great woman who knows how to relax and have fun.  And the universal way that men relax, have fun, and bond is through playful TEASING.  Think about it:  Guys do this all the time when they joke around with each other, play games, or make up all the silly pranks and guy stuff that men do.  It’s a low pressure, high enjoyment way to unwind and express friendship. 

Many guys (often erroneously), think that spending time with a woman means giving up this kind of fun, which is why they’ll say that things get “too serious.”  So, if you can inject a little teasing into your relationship with a man, he’ll see that you’re not like the other women he’s known, and it will amplify his attraction for you.  Here’s what I mean…


Flirting almost always involves some form of humor and sarcasm – as in instead of answering a man directly when he asks you what you do for a living, you look at him and tell him the most ridiculous thing you could imagine.  And then you have fun making him think you’re really serious about it.

For instance, “I conduct surveys about male behavior – this week, I’m doing a study on how long an acceptable man hug should last.  What’s your opinion?”


It’s not that what you say starts off an amazing chain of events that leads down the road to building a deep level of attraction — it’s the fact that instead of being so caught up in your mind, you’re joking, having fun, and inviting a man into playfulness with you.

Men instantly understand what’s going on when there’s a connection with a woman and she starts being playful this way, and they respond by opening up and becoming more engaged and attached with you on an emotional level without even knowing it.  Once you get the relationship rolling, there will be plenty of time for him to find out what you really do for a living.


The fun and playfulness of being unpredictable holds true when you’re in a relationship as well. Most couples get very used to each other and to how their partner will act and respond, day in and day out. Part of this is a natural progression to a relationship that provides a healthy level of predictability to things.  Both parties need it to feel “safe.” And if you can be the woman who also mixes this safety with fun, exciting, and playful unpredictable things…suddenly a man doesn’t know quite what to expect.

Suddenly he’s reminded that he hasn’t quite seen everything that there is to you.  And suddenly you’re having fun teasing him and engaging in a playful back-and-forth that has the passion and attraction level rising all the while.

This week, see if you can throw in some playful teasing when you talk to a man.  Notice how he responds to you and what it does for the level of attraction in your relationship.  I’m willing to bet you’ll have a lot of fun trying it, and you might even discover a part of yourself you’d like to bring out more often.


For more specific tips on how to create a deep level of attraction that will make a man literally stop in his tracks and wonder how in the world he ended up wanting to be so close to a woman, subscribe to Christian’s free e-newsletter. He’ll show you how to start enjoying the incredible feeling of knowing that the man you’re with is wild about you, because he can’t stop telling you and showing you that he feels deeply connected and attracted to you.