Baby it’s cold outside! The holidays are here and the desire to couple up now is at an all-time high. After all it’s ‘cuffing’ season.
As one who coaches singles on finding love online and as the proud dating coach of this adorable couple who just got married (who met on eHarmony), I can tell you that managing expectations is all so important right now.
Rather than hiding under the covers, if you’re single or have had a recent breakup, know that it’s natural to feel a bit lonely when your friends are changing their Facebook relationship statuses with the cutesy couples photos. If your status isn’t in that category, it can be a digital stab to your heart.
Know that it’s fine for you to embrace your single status, because at the end of the day, it’s only temporary. Here are 7 relationship tips to help you get through the holidays and beyond.
- Block Your Ex’s Profile
If you’ve recently ended a relationship with someone you’ve met online and it wasn’t on good terms, chances are you’ve both reposted your profiles on the dating site and are checking out the mobile app to meet someone new. I know it’s so easy to sneak a peek, but it might be best if you block his or her profile and “unmatch” yourself so you won’t get that pit in your stomach when your ex appears as a perfect match for you. Take it one step further and block your ex on Facebook. Sure you might have friends in common who will spill the beans if they see him or her in the arms of another, but tell your mutual friends you aren’t interested in knowing, period.
- Update Your Profile
I always say the squeaky wheel gets the digital deal, but when it comes to finding love online, the more engaged you are in the process, the better matches you will get. There’s an added bonus too! When you log on to eHarmony, make sure you update your profile, by uploading a new fun photo, or changing a few words here and there in your bio. The benefit is, if you’ve been matched, it will show up on your potential date’s feed that you’ve made an update to your profile. Call it a digital nudge if you like, but if your digital crush was thinking of emailing you, this might just be the boost he or she needs to reach out and reconnect.
- Don’t Use Social Media to go down Memory Lane
Even if you’ve blocked your ex on Facebook, guess what? Their new feature of “On this Day” might show a memorable date you posted last year or even several years ago. While it’s fun to see the memories with our friends, it can open a raw wound. My suggestion is, don’t look at all. On top of it, don’t go stalking his or her Facebook page or Instagram account. It’s true what they say, “Seek and ye shall find.” This isn’t the time of the year to see someone kissing under the mistletoe. Instead, create your own new memories.
- Start Filling Your Date Card
Both online and offline, accept party invites from everyone you can during the holidays. It’s the time to be festive, grab a BFF or two and go everywhere from happy hours to business networking events. The possibilities are endless. Remember to smile at everyone. A smile is worth 1000 words. Walk in with confidence and you’ll be turning heads and filling your date card with a smile.
- Don’t Pair Up on the Rebound
They say the easiest way to get over someone is by replacing them in a New York minute with someone new, but is it right? It’s easy to recycle an ex during the holidays or to jump into an instant relationship. I say take it slow. I’ve seen holiday romances appear at Christmas and be over by New Year’s. Know that the initial infatuation stage is exciting and fun, but finding someone new when you aren’t ready isn’t always the answer.
If you look at everyone as a potential friend first, you’ll take the appropriate amount of time to get to know someone before rushing into becoming “Facebook Official.”
- Talk About Holiday Gift Giving
If you’ve just started dating someone new, talk to your sweetie about holiday gifts. It would be embarrassing if one of you showed up with an extravagant gift from Tiffany, while the other gave a gag gift of coal in the stocking. Showing up with a ring would be over-the-top. Instead, think about getting tickets to a concert or sporting event. Perhaps bake some cookies and bring a card. An accessory for the smartphone is always fun. Gift certificates are always welcome, so find out if she has a favorite spa or manicure spot and bring a gift card that’s both practical and sends the message that you know what he or she likes. Guys, here’s a hint: Don’t buy your new date lingerie. That’s something she should pick out for herself.
- Fall in Love with You
At the holidays, please take a deep breath and fill your date card if you’re in love with the most important person ever, you! If you think you need to take a break to work on yourself, trust your intuition. Being on the arm of the wrong person at the holidays will give you an inflated sense of euphoria as a couple, but once the holidays are over, you might find that the person you should be investing the most time in is yourself. After all, if you don’t love yourself, why should he or she?
Remember, it’s peak season for online daters. The good news is that more singles are signing up for dating sites between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day. It’s a busy time, so join the digital party.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace this cold, holiday season, or wherever you may roam. xo
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles dating programs. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram, and like Cyber-Dating Expert on Facebook.