There is nothing worse than being excited about connecting with someone just to get a dial tone, a voicemail, or no call back. We ALL know what it’s like to experience rejection and I have NEVER heard someone say, “I just love the idea of being rejected.”
Rejection is rough. It is also a gift. Are you surprised to hear that? Let me help clarify.
Can you imagine what it would be like to spend your life with a person you had to constantly try to convince to love you? Some of you may even know what it feels like.
This is why I say rejection is a gift. It is a sign that a relationship should not take place between two people. By now, all of our eH+ clients know pretty well that we stand by the assertion that physical attraction and chemistry grow when you are with the right person.
For example, if someone is going to make a decision that they do not want to meet you because you don’t listen to the same music, this person is likely not open minded enough to be a great fit for you in a relationship.
The people who are most successful in finding love are the ones willing to be open-minded and get out there and meet as many people as they can.
Now that we know rejection is a gift, it is time to admit that it still doesn’t feel great — so let’s deal with that.
How someone chooses to respond to you is a result of:
1. Their own personal history. This includes their family background and upbringing, familial dynamics, and their intimate relationship history.
2. Their mood and emotional state in the present moment. If someone is in a bad mood, they are more likely to find things to dislike about whoever crosses their path.
3. Their interaction with you both verbally and physically. The majority of a person’s reaction to you is based on their history and current mood. However, we also have to take responsibility for our own interactions with a potential partner.
Here is what you can do to deal with rejection:
1. Bring your best self to the conversation or meeting. Be aware of how you want to portray yourself when you meet a potential partner.
2. Express yourself congruently. Don’t try to be someone you are not. If someone treats you rudely or is unkind, don’t respond in the same manner just because you are upset. Choose to be the bigger person and respond based on your values and standards.
3. After a potential partner has made a decision to not continue a relationship with you, evaluate your interaction with them. It is always worth it to see if there is anything you could have done differently.
4. Don’t take it personally. Remember 80% of how someone reacts to you has to do with their personal history and current emotional state.
5. Acknowledge that this is a relationship that never would have worked.
6. KEEP MOVING ON. Don’t give up just because an obstacle gets in your way. Keep a positive attitude and know that there is someone out there for you.
The great news is that at eHarmony, you can always feel comfortable knowing that you will be connecting with people who are compatible with you in deep, foundational ways.
About Ashley and eH+:
eHarmony’s new service, eH+, gives you the benefit of a personal matchmaker who picks your matches and guides you to success. We’re taking the best of what eHarmony does and combining that with what personal matchmakers do best – person-to-person conversation, opportunities for feedback, and coaching to put your best foot forward.