Today’s guest blog comes from therapist and author Faith Deeter, who does a great job of giving advice for a common problem. I guess it’s not as simple as “I see you checking out that woman. Would you like to go join her?!” Enjoy Deeter’s sound insights…
When you’re out with your man, does his eye wander elsewhere? Men who stare at other women may not think they are being disrespectful, but it can be very hurtful to the women they are with. Rather than feeling inferior or doubting the loyalty of your man, here are a few things you can do:
1. Accept it as normal: The way some women dress, who could help but notice them? Women often spot another attractive woman long before a man does. It’s in our DNA to respond to environmental cues, just like it is in a man to do the same. His noticing an attractive woman does not mean that he doesn’t find you attractive, and it doesn’t mean he wants to dump you to be with her. It is human nature to notice when an attractive person walks by so when it happens, don’t over-analyze it too much.
2. Be interesting enough to keep his attention on you: Men are more simple than most women give them credit for, and contrary to public opinion, they are not attracted by looks alone. Honestly, men just want to have a nice time when they’re with you. They find happiness to be even more attractive than innate beauty, especially when that happiness is directed at them. While a beautiful woman will catch their attention briefly, a man will quickly tire of any woman (beautiful or otherwise) who is chronically irritable or becomes too much work to be with. Men stick with women who make them feel good, so be that woman, and you will outshine the rest of the room.
3. Don’t punish him: As much as you may want to dump your water over his head, don’t do it. The more irritable you are, the more of a turn-off you are. Your tantrum may work in the short term, but if you make it a habit, it will backfire in the end. Men who learn to keep their eyes on the ground so as not to upset their partner become demoralized and emasculated. Remember, it is human nature to avoid discomfort and seek comfort. Don’t let your reactions become uncomfortable to the point that your man finds comfort elsewhere. The thought of being with another woman can be enhanced if he associates too much discomfort to your reactions.
4. Let me help you: If he just won’t stop, you can use comfort and discomfort in a slightly different way. Instead of trying to control his behavior, you could try reverse psychology. What would happen if you noticed the beautiful woman, too, and commented a bit too loudly on her various attributes? “Wow. Check her out. She looks amaaaazziiiingggg. My goodness. I mean really…she’s stunning!” Most men look at other women at least half-consciously, and by you noticing her in an even more exaggerated way, many men will get uncomfortable enough to want you to stop, and thereby, modify their own behavior. Don’t overdo this to the point of punishment. Keep it lighthearted.
Before you know it, you may find your man purposely trying to keep his attention on you.
Have you dealt with this before and how did you handle it?
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Originally posted on YourTango