The I Factor: How To Find an Emotional Connection

Best-selling author Paul N. Weinberg joins us today with a brand new blog about the one crucial thing every successful relationship must have — an emotional connection.

In Why Women Hang In There With the Wrong Guys, I examined many of the reasons women stay in a relationships with the wrong guys.

emotionalconnectionWhat I left out is that the real reason women hang in there is that they can’t quite put their finger on the one thing that’s missing, which represents the best reason to leave the relationship.

Almost without exception, what’s missing is that they have no emotional connection with the guy. And as I explained in my post titled Emotional Awakenings, women don’t realize this because they’re often not yet aware of their own emotional needs, and how important an emotional connection is to sustaining a long-term relationship.

So once you wake up and figure out what your emotional needs are, or simply that you have emotional needs, how do you find an emotional connection?

First, don’t look for the perfect guy because there’s no such thing as the perfect guy. Look instead for someone who is perfect for you.

Second, consider all the qualities and qualifications that would fit on a résumé. And then forget about them. Because an emotional connection is what you feel, not what you think, and certainly not what fits on a piece of paper.

Third, learn to trust your gut reaction, your first instinct, what Malcolm Gladwell calls your blink response. Many women ignore it, cloud it with their thoughts, and then start to doubt it.

Fourth, don’t confuse sexual chemistry with an emotional connection. A sexual connection can certainly start your relationship off with a bang – no pun intended – but it doesn’t necessarily lead to an emotional connection.

Finally, realize that you don’t “date your way” into an emotional connection. It’s either there or it’s not, and if you don’t feel it on the first or second date, going on five or ten or fifty more dates won’t change that.

Personally, I’ve never dated my way into an emotional connection with a woman. I’ve always felt the connection almost instantly, and every one of my long-term relationships started the first night we were together. By contrast, many women hope that “feelings will develop” or the emotional connection will “develop over time.”

But think about all the times you really clicked with someone and ended up together. It probably happened almost immediately for you as well.

Have you ever tried to make a relationship work despite not having a great emotional connection?


PortraitPaul-ePubPaul N. Weinberg is the coauthor of The I Factor, an inspirational and aspirational book about connection in the age of social media.  The I Factor was recently published to rave reviews and The I Factor Cover 3D Hiendorsements from some of today’s biggest celebrities, including Larry King, Jack Canfield, Marianne Williamson, and Sofia Vergara. Available exclusively online in print and ebook versions through and the Apple iTunes Bookstore.

© 2012 by Paul N. Weinberg


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