Everyone has had that moment where they ask themselves the most awful question: Have I become desperate? Odds are that, no, you haven’t become an overall desperate person even though you may be having a pretty desperate phase. Usually it’s someone emotionally or physically unavailable that unleashes desperation in you. While that may be annoying but ultimately acceptable for most people, a handful of you may be unable to bear the feelings, which then causes you to push harder to get that person. Getting yourself into a position where you feel desperate isn’t a reason to feel ashamed, but it is cause for you to look in the mirror and ask how you lost your composure. If you’re stuck in a desperate cycle now with someone, check out the following behaviors and realize that any of these will only dig you deeper into this rut.
You offer your number easily to someone and then make them confirm that they have stored it in their phone.
This one is understandable, but ugly! We’ve all been there before, in that position where you like someone so much but you aren’t getting confirmation that it’s reciprocated. Instead of getting control of yourself, you work too hard to get a sign from that person that he or she will call.
Confidence booster: Nothing else you can say or do that night will ensure that he or she will definitely call you. That person either will or won’t call, and only time will tell. Pushing too hard to get them to call is desperate, plain and simple. Walk away and tell yourself that you two will connect again if the timing is right and there’s mutual interest. Walking away makes you feel empowered, as you don’t need to convince anyone to like you. They should know a diamond when they see it!
You can’t stop wondering or asking friends whether he or she is interested in you.
When you meet someone you’re interested in, it’s perfectly normal to wonder whether that new person is interested in you, too. However, getting anxious about whether they like you is a sign that you may feel too fixated on that one person or that you may have become a tad desperate in your search for someone.
Confidence booster: Having friends is terrific, but boring them to tears with your obsessive insecurities isn’t fair of you or fun for them. Tell yourself that anyone worth having is going to want you too, and press “delete” in your life when someone you meet doesn’t seize the chance to be with you.
You compare yourself to friends who are coupled up and ask yourself why they all have romantic partners and you don’t.
Social comparison is a bad idea when it comes to dating because everyone is so different, having different personalities and needs. Research shows that it’s only good for you to compare yourselves to others if you are comparing yourself to those who are less fortunate than you. However, single men and women often end up comparing themselves to others who have relationships and who are more attractive or successful, and this comparison inevitably leads to the same lone place: feeling worse.
Confidence booster: When you meet someone you truly connect with, that person will be drawn to your idiosyncrocies and quirks, so remember that you bring your own unique qualities to the table. If it helps, make a list of qualities that you like about yourself, and looking at what you’ve written will remind you how unique you are. When you feel sad or lonely, pulling out that list and rereading it will make you feel better.
The good news about feeling desperate is that no feeling lasts forever. If you feel like you’ve gotten stuck in a rut where you’re questioning your worth or feeling bad about yourself, the best way to get unstuck is to get organized and get control of yourself. Set out on a healthy phase where you watch what you eat and exercise, and practice more physical grooming and self-care. The better care you take of yourself, the better you will feel about yourself!
About the Author:
Dr. Seth is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, Psychology Today blogger, and TV guest expert. He practices in Los Angeles and treats a wide range of issues and disorders and specializes in relationships, parenting, and addiction. He has had extensive training in conducting couples therapy and is the author of Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve