Are Relationship Regrets Holding You Back?

By

EHPlus-05222014-MED-1 (2)Are you incredibly regretful about how a relationship ended, how you may have behaved or just how your life played out in a certain area? We can all relate to having some regret, but it’s so important to be able to let it go to make room for a better and brighter future. Below, our eH+ matchmaker Ashley is sharing some great ways to move forward.

Even though nearly everyone has some regrets, that doesn’t mean you need to lug them with you through your life. You can work through your regrets and release them so you can truly live with freedom and joy. Here are some things to think about:

Don’t deny your mistakes. Denying past mistakes is like pretending you don’t have a broken arm: you may learn to live with the pain, but it’ll never “set” properly and will likely cause more trouble over the long haul. So getting out of denial is really the first step.

Make amends. You might have regrets because there are unresolved issues with someone. Is there someone you need to apologize to? Then really consider making the effort.

Forgive yourself. Recognize that regret is a form of unforgiveness … of yourself. Sometimes it’s easier to forgive others than ourselves. But releasing yourself from guilt and shame is really the key to moving beyond regret.

Realize you’re not alone. Every person you meet is somewhere on his or her own journey of figuring out how to deal with the what-ifs that are an inescapable part of life.

Process it. Talking with a good friend or counselor will move you toward clarity and healing.

Make your thoughts work for you. Your self-talk—the voice you hear in your head—is a powerful force. Purposefully replace your negative thoughts with positive ones.

Understand the toxicity of regret. I’ve read several scientific studies which reveal that stressful thoughts and emotions can trigger disease-causing processes in our bodies. Carrying around regrets not only weighs on your psyche, but also erodes your physical health.

Realize that regret robs of positive energy. Wrestling with pain and anger every day takes a lot of energy. It costs you lost sleep and definitely robs you of peace and laughter.

Identify lessons learned. Nearly every experience teaches us something. What insights can you learn that will help you to avoid trouble next time around?

Turn regret on its head. Make a list of positive things that have come out of the event you regret.

Resolve to resolve it. Regrets don’t go away on their own. The healing process requires attention and action. There’s no need to be weighed down any longer—take steps to achieve inner peace.

I hope this helps a little bit! We all make mistakes in life, the key is to understand why, take steps to correct things when possible, forgive yourself, and resolve to do better the next time.

About our new service eH+:

eHarmony’s new service, eH+ , gives you the benefit of a personal matchmaker who picks your matches and guides you to success. We’re taking the best of what eHarmony does and combining that with what personal matchmakers do best – person-to-person conversation, opportunities for feedback, and coaching to put your best foot forward. Learn More about eH+.


If this article gave you the confidence to find your match, try eHarmony today!

Join Now


By posting a comment, I agree to the Community Standards.
Need help with eHarmony.com?