No More Mister Nice Guy: A Guide to Attracting Partners

“Nice guys finish last.”  It’s pretty likely you’ve heard this saying a few times before, but is it really true?  Why is it that most people say they want someone who tends to their needs, but usually end up going for the exact opposite, like a bad boy.  Do nice guys really finish last, and not get the girl?  And what about nice girls?

A recent study looked into the relationship between a person’s responsiveness to the feelings and needs of another and the amount of initial attraction felt towards that person, and found that overall, a responsive potential partner is more sexually desirable than an unresponsive partner.

However, when comparing the attraction to a responsive potential partner between men and women, the researchers found a key difference: men found responsive potential partners to be more sexually desirable, whereas women found responsive potential partners to actually be less sexually desirable.  So although everyone says they want a partner who understands and takes care of them, this isn’t necessarily true in the periods of initial attraction for women.  But what can these findings do for your dating life?

Women:  Be as kind as you can be to men.  But be sure you know what you’re saying with your kindness and responsiveness.  Men respond to it in a much different way than you do.  When men see your kindness and how responsive you are to them and their feelings, they can see it as a sign you want to be with them and eventually sleep with them.  If you’ve been crushing on a certain man in your life, show them how supportive and responsive you can be to them and their feelings and maybe they’ll see you in a different light.

Men:  It’s great that you consider yourself “a nice guy” and sensitive to a woman’s needs.  Seriously, keep that up or even work on strengthening it.  But, according to this study, don’t show that to a woman right off the bat.  Women do want to end up with a guy like you, but they’re not going to be sexually attracted to you right away.  Women could be mistaking your initial kindness and responsiveness for some type of ploy to get them into bed or even as desperation.  Try waiting just a bit to show them how attentive to their needs you can be.  Nice guys do end up winning, just not at first.

There has been plenty of research in the past showing that couples who are more responsive to one another are the most satisfied and strongest couples.  Being attentive to another’s feelings and needs is definitely an important part of a relationship and should be something you strive to be able to do for someone, just know how to use it in attracting potential dates.



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