Men or Women: Who Needs Romance More? (2 Million People Have Spoken)

Anyone in a relationship knows (or should know) that romance and romantic gestures are key to keeping their partners feeling connected and happy. In the spirit of Romance Awareness month, I asked the all-knowing research scientists at eharmony to look into the importance of being romantic. Who cares about romantic gestures the most?

The team pulled data from over 2 million eharmony members to get the story.

The number one surprise for me: men and women both value romance equally in their relationships. Men actually slightly outranked women. On a scale of 1-7 — men actually ranked it at a 5.67, and women ranked it at 5.63.

Which age groups place the most importance on romance? I assumed this would skew younger. Surprised again. It is actually 45-54 year olds who place the most importance on romance in their relationships. Maybe because with age comes wisdom.

romance by age


Does education have anything to do with how romantic a person is? Overall, the importance seemed to decrease as education level increased. Those with a Doctorate degree placed the least importance on romance.

romance ed level

So which state can boast the most romantic folks?

Florida pulled rank as the most romantic, followed by runners up Georgia and New Jersey. The least romantic state? South Dakota.

romantic states

If you are a person who highly values romance in a relationship, according to Beber and his team, you are also likely going to be more agreeable, more altruistic, more adventurous, and have greater confidence in your appearance. Nothing wrong with any of that!

When it comes to romantic gestures, more than half of both men and women felt red roses hit the mark. And 61% of men admitted that if their partner wrote a poem for them, they would “swoon.” We must have many romantics on the site, because only 13% of guys overall said the thought of a personalized poem would have them cringing.


Age does play a factor here:

  • eHarmony members aged 65 years old and older were most likely to say that they would swoon if someone wrote them a poem (60%) whereas 25-39 year olds were least likely (54%), with the other age groups falling in between (18-24 year olds: 55%,40-64 year olds: 56%).
  • 25-39 year olds were most likely to say that they would cringe is someone wrote them a poem (15%) while 40-64 year olds and members aged 65 years or older were the least likely (8%), (18-24 year olds: 14%).
  • 40-64 year olds were the most likely to say that they would tear up if someone wrote them a poem (35%), while 25-39 year olds were least likely (28%), (18-24 year olds: 29%, 65 years or older: 31%).
  • A small group of members from all age groups said that they would run away if someone wrote them a poem (18-24 year olds: 2%, 24-39 year olds: 3%, 40-64 year olds: 1%, 65 years or older: 1%).

Meanwhile, it seems candlelit dinners are possibly the best option when it comes to romantic gestures — an overwhelming 85% of men and 88% of women say they would truly appreciate it if their partner took the time to create that atmosphere.

So, in the age of emojis and quick texts, how does the old school idea of a love letter factor in? Charmed, I’m sure. Most women (82%) and men (72%) liked the idea of receiving a love letter.

love letters

Finally, how do good old “terms of endearment” factor into this romantic equation? Most of us find them both adorable and reassuring.


  • Men (45%) were more likely than women (39%) to say that terms of endearment are reassuring.
  • Women (47%) were more likely than men (35%) to say that terms of endearment are adorable.
  • Men (18%) were more likely than women (13%) to say that terms of endearment are only appropriate in private.

The bottom line: take the time to honor your partner with romantic gestures often. Whether it is a compliment, a home-cooked meal, or a sweet note, a little love and thoughtfulness will go a long way.

If this article gave you the confidence to find your match, try eharmony today!

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