Do You Live ‘For Yourself’?

“When someone is rude to you, keep a smile on your face. When you stay on the high road and keep your joy, you take away their power.” ~ Joel Osteen

I love to travel. You get to see people, places, and customs that you would not otherwise see. I had the opportunity to travel to Italy on business this week. My room wasn’t ready when I arrived so I had to check my bags into the luggage check. Not to worry, I welcomed a good walk around town and some fresh air to clear my jet lag after flying all night.

There was all sorts of activity and commotion around the baggage check and it took me a moment to decipher what was going on. I couldn’t imagine why there was so much luggage in the hallway (and I was hoping my bag wasn’t going to be left out in the open, but rather securely placed behind a locked door). Then I noticed a young woman loudly directing the bell-hops all around her, and I realized that all of these bags belonged to her. She had at least six different garment bags and five suitcases – seriously! (And here I was, pretty proud of myself for making it to Italy for a week with just a carry-on roller-board). As I assessed the absurdity of the situation, and tried to figure out if she was someone famous (!), I heard her say to the bell-hop, who was struggling to get all of her bags on the luggage cart, “You need to eat more; you are very weak.” I was appalled. I waited for her to laugh or make a joke, but she was very serious. How rude. I made sure I was extra-polite and gracious to him.

Fast forward 24 hours and I was waiting to board a train. As is so common in Europe, there were a group of passengers enjoying their last smoke right outside the train door. I was navigating my way between these passengers, when someone else came barging through and pushed on board. I noticed a tattoo on her arm as she grabbed the handle in front of me to hoist herself onto the train. It said, “I live for myself.” Yup, apparently you do!

These two incidents were aberrations on what was a wonderful trip full of gracious people. By graciousness, I encountered countless people who forgave me for butchering their beautiful language, who helped me to figure out where I was going, who showed patience with my ineptness at understanding the train schedule, who insisted on taking a “real” photo of me standing in front of the beautiful architecture (so that all of my photos weren’t “selfies”!), and who ensured that I had a wonderful visit to their country.

These incidents made me stop and pause to think about rudeness vs. graciousness. Both take the same amount of time. Frankly, both take about the same amount of effort. But, but both have such a dramatically different effect on those who are the recipients of the rudeness or the graciousness, and on those around them who witness it.

It made me turn the mirror on myself and question how often have I been rude to someone because I’ve been having a bad day or have been in a hurry. I hope the answer isn’t too often, but if we’re being honest, I know I’m guilty. We are all rude at times, but my commitment is to try and limit these times to as few as possible (working towards “none,” of course).

“If you can’t be nice, be quiet!”

My stream of consciousness for today is simple: don’t be rude. Your parents taught you better. Your teachers taught you better. You teach your kids better. You know better. Nobody likes be treated rudely. Nobody likes watching rude people. It creates a visceral reaction and builds negativity.

Here’s my link to dating! Your date is watching. If you are rude, demanding, and ungrateful, your first date may choose to make that your last date as well!

What about you? Do you have a story of when graciousness won over rudeness? Any dates that ended because of rudeness towards others?

Monique-Honaman-2013-HRLT2About the Author:

Author Monique A. Honaman wrote “The High Road Has Less Traffic: honest advice on the path through love and divorce” (2010) in response to a need for a book that provided honest, real, and raw advice about how to survive and thrive through one of life’s toughest journeys, and “The High Road Has Less Traffic … and a better view” (2013) to provide perspectives on love, marriage, divorce and everything in between. The books are available on Learn more at

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