Today’s guest blog comes from dating coach Marni Battista, founder and CEO of Dating with Dignity, who examines a common predicament many singles face: Should I be dating more than one person at a time?
In the 21st century, we’re sometimes oversaturated with not only information but, quite frankly, dates! So while you’re on your quest to find love, should you drown yourself with back-to-back dates? And is it ever a good idea?
The answer is both yes and no.
Why booking back-to-back dates is a GOOD idea:
1. You’ll be exposed to multiple types of people. If you only go out with one person per month, for example, it will be much harder for you to determine what you really like in a mate. So planning multiple dates within a short time period enables you to have a vast contrast analysis of each date.
Plus, practice makes perfect. Once you speak with many people and meet a fair amount of them for coffee, you begin to take rejection less personally and/or feel like you “owe” someone something because you took that first step. Remember, online dating is much like a buffet. So, while you’re there, it can be good to have a small bite of as many things on the table as possible (without getting uncomfortably full, of course!).
2. Having one date after another makes your positive dating energy skyrocket. Guys can sense when a girl is in high demand of the opposite sex, so saying yes instead of no can boost your dating mojo. In addition, when you get asked out on dates and can’t make the “last-minute” type (a big Dating with Dignity no-no), you’re being authentic. When your dance card is full, it requires suitors to ask you out in advance, make plans, and demonstrate that you have a rocking life ready to be enhanced (rather than “made”) by the inclusion of a partner.
Why booking back-to-back dates is a BAD idea:
1. It‘s already hard to juggle a busy schedule. Most of us already know this; balancing a job, social life, working out, and kids if you have them is a job in itself. So while going on lots of dates can be great, it can also be confusing! Also, when you book dates one after another, it can be easy to confuse which story you told which date. Worst of all, you may be at risk of confirming a date with the wrong person!
2. The paradox of choice is paralyzing these days. If you have 10 dates in a row, it can cause you not only to take them for granted, but also you may not focus at all on any one in particular. Instead you find yourself uninvested in anything and right where you started: single!
There are certainly pros and cons to booking dating back-to-back dates, and it’s up to you and your calendar for the most part to make good choices. As a result, we recommend a “shades of grey” (versus all or nothing) approach to dating online. See what feels right for you. Maybe it’s three to four telephone conversations per week that lead to one or two coffee dates;perhaps one of those turns into a weekend hiking adventure. Test the waters and measure your stamina. And most importantly, if it starts to feel like work or begins to be “not fun,” make sure you dial it down and take a breath. Burned-out daters don’t project that positive juju!
How do you feel about dating multiple people at once?
Learn more about Marni Battista and Dating with Dignity.