Do You Know What You’re Looking For?

Author Paul N. Weinberg returns with a new blog and a very important point — be careful about what you wish for when thinking about a romantic partner. I have been there myself, throwing out to the universe what I was looking for, meanwhile forgetting some of the most important qualities of all (like compatibility, aligned values, etc.) The result? The eventual breakup!

dating adviceSo the last guy you dated turned out to be a self-centered jerk who ended up cheating on you while you were making plans to move in with him as a prelude to marriage. This time you’re not going to settle for less, and the good news is that the guy you just started dating has everything you’re looking for:

1. Nice guy. Check.
2. Well built. Check.
3. Intelligent. Check.
4. Successful. Check.
5. Good looking. Check.
6. Age appropriate. Check.
7. Religiously compatible. Check.
8. Wants to get married and have kids. Check.

After a three-week courtship, he even asks you to be his girlfriend and says he wants to have a committed and monogamous relationship with you. Fantastic! You say yes amid high hopes that he could be the one you’ve been looking for, the one with whom you can finally settle down.

And there you are the following weekend, sitting next to him on his couch the entire day watching football with his friends before going out on the boat to be surrounded by a large group of people.


What happened?

What happened is that you were so eager to find someone – and so focused on the external checklist – that you forgot some important items:

1. Emotionally available.
2. Wants to spend time alone with you.
3. Enjoys one-on-one conversation.

The first item is a recurring theme in all my columns and I could write a whole book about it (actually, I did). But the last two are just as important and not as obvious. And all three of them boil down to whether this is a person who even knows how to have a deeper relationship.

You might ask yourself the same questions. Are you emotionally available? Do you want to spend time alone with your partner? Are you comfortable with one-on-one conversation?

Bottom line is that you need to be careful what you wish for.

Put another way, make sure you’re precise enough when you put your order in with the universe. Because the universe is very literal and has a very ironic sense of humor.

You may just get all the qualities you asked for. And none of the ones you didn’t.

Have you thought about what’s most important to you in a partner?


The I Factor Cover 3D Hi 229x300 Modern Dating: A 13 Step ProcessPaul N. Weinberg is the coauthor of The I Factor, an inspirational and aspirational book about connection in the age of social media.  The I Factor was recently published to rave reviews and endorsements from some of today’s biggest celebrities, including Larry King, Jack Canfield, Marianne Williamson, and Sofia Vergara. Available exclusively online in print and ebook versions through and the Apple iTunes Bookstore.

© 2012 by Paul N. Weinberg

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