Most people who write their personal statement for their online dating profile do it entirely on their own, without ever asking for help from friends or family. The truth, however, is that asking for feedback from those who know you best is the best way to create a good dating profile.
When it comes to describing ourselves, we usually aren’t very objective. We often come across as too this or too that, which is why you should create a personal profile and send it two or three friends or family members for them to read. Ask those individuals for feedback, and you can use the questions below as a guide.
Do you sound confident or insecure?
Due to what’s called the social desirability bias, men and women have the tendency to present themselves in a manner that will be viewed favorably by others. Accordingly, most people try to make themselves appear as appealing as possible in a dating profile. That sounds like a good thing, right? The problem is that sometimes we try too hard, and that can actually come across as insecure. When you send your personal statement to your friend for review, ask if you come across as secure or insecure in the description. If you come across as insecure, you will either attract people who have emotional issues or you will turn off those who don’t.
Does your sense of humor come across? Is there too much or too little humor in your personal statement?
Showing your sense of humor is important because connecting in the humor department is a foundation for a long-term relationship. When you ask a friend for feedback, ask about how your humor comes across. Specifically, ask if it’s enough or too much. Also, ask if your humor in the profile comes across as funny, sweet, or sarcastic. While I know some men and women are especially drawn to individuals with a sarcastic flair, be warned that sarcasm also usually comes with personalities that are more competitive and angry. Unless you are sarcastic yourself and really value that in others, avoid using much sarcasm at all in your profile.
Do you sound humble or too self-deprecating?
Many times, men and women talk about themselves in dating profiles in self-deprecating ways. The whole profile issue is awkward to begin with – like selling yourself as a door to door salesman – so the process of creating a perfect profile is inevitably challenging. But trying too hard to make yourself seem humble (and not too “into yourself”) is a risk for everyone, so ask your friends or family members for advice about how to seem humble without sounding too self-deprecating. The goal is to present yourself as an overall package, and to convey that you like yourself overall and feel confident that you are someone who will make a consistent and good partner.
Do you sound responsible or flaky?
As much as you want to come across as appealing in a profile, you also should remember to hit the crucial items on the metaphoric relationship checklist. For a relationship to work, two partners will need to be reliable, honest, and kind. Make sure that your profile reflects the kind of person you are not just in your dating life, but in your work and overall social life. You don’t need to say “I’m always on time” but you can say something like “I’m a responsible person and I’m looking for someone who isn’t flaky.” This type of statement sends a clear message that you know yourself and that you also know what you want in another person. Ask for feedback from a friend about whether your profile reflects where you fall on the responsible/flaky spectrum.
The takeaway message
The title of my article referring to the “perfect” profile is more tongue-in-cheek than realistic. There is no perfect profile because there is no perfect person, and the profile is intended to capture who a person is. The goal is to have the profile reflect your true personality and values, and you will come up with a better and more accurate one if you get feedback from those who know you best. Whether you are starting a new one or simply redoing an existing personal statement, use your friends to come up with the best profile and you will attract better dates because you got feedback from people who matter most to you.
About the Author:
Dr. Seth is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, Psychology Today blogger, and TV guest expert. He practices in Los Angeles and treats a wide range of issues and disorders and specializes in relationships, parenting, and addiction. He has had extensive training in conducting couples therapy and is the author of Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve