First dates can be exciting, but also overwhelming. Just in case you are the slightly anxious type, I thought these three questions posed by author and relationship expert Nancy Nichols were good places to start — and I think they should be asked by both men and women in the very early stage of getting to know someone.
Written by Nancy Nichols, YourTango
I was tired of dating a new man, wasting weeks and even months trying to figure him out. I knew the qualities I wanted. More importantly, I knew the traits and behaviors that I positively, absolutely refused to tolerate in a relationship. Sitting in front of a guy on a first date, I wanted to know these important things: Does he have the qualities I’m looking for in a man? Is he concealing a girlfriend or a wife? Do his lifestyle and aspirations match mine?
I came up with three questions that will help you to quickly evaluate anyone—and although they are not foolproof (they may or may not not adequately expose a skillful, romantic con artist), these questions can help you decide whether this person is worthy of your time and effort. I asked my future husband these three questions on our first date. He was a little taken back at first by my directness, but he answered them with such sincerity that I decided he was worth a second date. I married him a year and a half later.
Question No. 1: When was your last relationship?
This opens the door to: Are you currently dating anyone? You want to know if he recently broke up with a girlfriend (or if he is separated from his wife) because (a) he may still be in love with her, making him emotionally unavailable to you, and (b) he might suddenly decide to get back together with her leaving you with a broken heart. The second part of this question is: Why did he breakup with his girlfriend (or why did he get a divorce?) Listen carefully. If this person totally blames his/her ex for all of the problems in that relationship—get ready for a bumpy ride.
Question No. 2: What qualities are you looking for in a partner?
Pay attention to what your date says, because this will often mirror their own qualities. If he says loyalty is important to him in a partner—most likely he will be a loyal, committed partner. Many a man has blamed his infidelity on his wife, claiming she denied him sex—when in truth he neglected or mistreated his wife and she, in turn, became withdrawn, resentful, and non-responsive.
Question No. 3: What do you see yourself doing in five years?
This question can reveal a layer of truths. If they say they want to travel extensively, ask where? Is he/she talking about flying to Europe or selling their home and living full-time in a motorhome? Will a home-on-wheels match your lifestyle expectations? If he/she says grandchildren are the most important part of life, are you willing to share this person? If he says frequent golf trips with his buddies are a big part of his life, can you be happy at home while he parties down in Pebble Beach?
What questions are on your must-ask-list in the early stages of dating?
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Originally posted at YourTango: 3 Questions that You Must Ask on a First Date