I have seen this request come through eHarmony periodically, and as a topic of conversation in online dating communities. Recently, a woman wrote in requesting that she only be matched with men over six feet tall. I wondered how professionals in the field of dating and relationships would respond to this mindset, which I admit finding troubling. My first reaction was, “What if the most amazing guy is out there, a perfect fit for you, but he’s 5’11? You are going to turn down a loving, smart, caring, successful, compatible partner because of a few inches?” It seems silly, right?
So I asked the famous Mars/Venus guru John Gray…and this was his response. “When it comes to dating preferences, size does matter. Although there are exceptions, most women want a man who is significantly taller. There is nothing wrong with having your preferences and there are plenty of men over 6’ tall.”
Well, I guess he told me! But in my gut, I was still standing by my opinion.
I then went to psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Shannon Kolakowski for her thoughts. “Every person has the right to have preferences when it comes to traits they are attracted to in a partner,” she told me. “If height is really a huge deal breaker for you, then by all means, date men who are over 6’0. Just remember to consider their personality and inner qualities, as well. Most couples who have long term success cite friendship, commitment, giving, and quality of time together as the cornerstone of lasting love.”
OK, so the last part of her statement made me feel a bit better about my initial reaction.
Finally, I checked in with dating coach and author Bobbi Palmer – who I am happy to say was much more in alignment with me. What would she say to this lady? “Okay…but every single inch you add significantly decreases your chances of ever meeting your special guy. Why do you want a tall guy? Is it because you feel feminine and safe with him? Surely there are other ways a man can make you feel that way. If he were of strong character, longed for you and told you how beautiful and sexy you are and always cared for your needs and wants…would you feel feminine and safe with that man? Give it a try.”
So now I want to know where you fall in this debate. Is it a good idea to have a specific, physical trait as a must-have for someone you are looking to date? Or are you further limiting the dating pool by only looking for a certain type of person?