Dating Don’ts for Divorcees: 5 Things NOT to Bring up on a First Date

November 17, 2011

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Our guest bloggers today are the Garter Brides: Ann, Pat and Tish. The mighty threesome started their sisterhood when they each wore the same garter to their weddings and shared their ‘lucky’ garter with women all over the world who got married at 35+. They also wrote their book, Love for Grown-Ups: The Garter Brides’ Guide to Marrying for Life When You’ve Already Got a Life, to share their invaluable advice with women who are looking for love later in life and getting back into the dating scene. Here are their top five tips for what not to share on that first date… 

1. Leave Your Anger At Homeann pat tish garter brides 300x225 Dating Donts for Divorcees: 5 Things NOT to Bring up on a First Date
So many divorcees are angry about their situations, disappointed they haven’t met someone, or resentful of their ex-husband’s lives. Let it go. Don’t start out on a brand new date simmering with pent-up rage. It’s not fair to either of you.  Relax and plan something that’s going to be fun for the two of you to do. Enjoy your newfound freedom!

2. Don’t Sress out Because it’s a First Date
Being nervous can make you tongue-tied or maybe you’re the type who rattles on about office trivia or family jokes. Before you go out, think about what you already know about this person. Then on the date, concentrate on what you’d like to know about.  Remember, everyone is nervous on a first date, both men and women! Keep in mind that you are out with each other because you both want the same thing — to meet someone you like, have fun with and maybe it will lead to something more.

3. Don’t Make Snap Judgments
Dating as a mature woman is different from dating in your twenties. Don’t get trapped by all the “must-haves” of your youth.  Don’t dismiss someone because you may not like the way they dress, or you may not feel they have the right academic credentials.  Be flexible. Give a new man a chance. If it’s not right you’ll know (he will too), but don’t dismiss someone without giving them a chance.

4. Don’t be Afraid to Tell Him You Have Kids
If you already have children, you should absolutely tell him on the first date if not before. If you’re still deciding if you want more children, we suggest building the relationship between the two of you before you bring up the children topic.

5. Beware of TMI ( Too Much Info!)
You could probably share stories about late alimony payments, ungrateful in-laws, philandering spouses, but save this venting for nights with girlfriends. He has a history too and you needn’t know the details of his divorce agreement on the first date (or the second for that matter). Stay in the present. Of course he should know if you’re divorced and if you have kids, but your stories about your aging parents or rebellious teens don’t need to be shared.  Spend the time getting to know him and letting him get to know you.  It doesn’t have to be all in one night, you’ve got plenty of time and we hope they’ll be more dates if you like one another!

 

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