Heather and David
Location: San Rafael, CA
I knew that at 30+ I had to make some changes in my life, I wanted to meet a life partner, share my dreams, visions, sense of adventure, desire to raise a family and build a life with someone—and that does not happen alone, in a studio apartment in San Francisco. Thus the eHarmony adventure began. At the urging of a close girlfriend who had also just met her life partner on eHarmony, I took the plunge into what was VERY unfamiliar territory at the time. It did not hurt that my younger and only sister’s name is Harmony so in a strange, yet comforting and familiar kinda way it felt “right”.
Married: July 11th, 2009
I began communication with David in late October 2006. We can’t remember who sent the first message, though I do remember taking pause because I thought his picture (and he only had one) was really sorta dorky and a bit dark. It was home-grown, total “boy” and clearly was taken with a timer by himself. I liked his profile though, I felt his calm, his love of family and positive life perspective via his profile and knew that I had to give it a try---if it worked we could talk and later laugh about the photo issue if we made it thru the eHarmony steps, into open communication and then out on a date. Well, that we did. With each communication my heart grew fonder. He gave the answers to questions that my heart wanted to hear. He was responsive, didn’t make me wait for weeks between communications, though still followed the “process”. We exchanged emails; finally shared our phone numbers and he made the first call. The conversation was easy, he was kind, inquisitive, reserved but took a very true interest in my work, education, family. Together, we laughed, shared and he left me definitely wanting more.
We planned our first date would be at a neighborhood café near my house in San Francisco. I was excited, but felt calm about our meeting. Unlike other dates, our phone conversations had provided a great deal of insight into David and gave me the feeling that I really wasn’t going to be meeting up with a “random stranger” Of course, the day of I would be lying if I didn’t say I had nerves. Well, much to my chagrin, I got a phone call late in the day of our scheduled date saying that David was really sick and he felt horrible. He wanted to re-schedule. (Little did I know the poor guy had a 45min mid-day BART ride home, tried to “get well” prior to calling me in the later afternoon as he felt if he cancelled he may never have another chance) He was sick. Though bummed, I totally understood. He promised he would make it up to me if I would give him another shot. Of course, he is human and my heart knew he was worth meeting.
He wanted to take me out on the following Sunday. Ahh what to do? It was my birthday and I had never met this guy. I had celebrated with friends and family over the weekend and thus the day-of wasn’t that big of a deal. Do I tell him it’s my birthday or just pretend it’s any other day and have our first date? Well, at the urging of my sister (as I needed to consult) she said OMG YES, GOOO!! So, I told David it was my birthday and that I would love to go out. Honesty is the best policy, right? I made it clear I didn’t want a fuss, and that I had celebrated and just wanted our date to be low-key. Of course, knowing David as I do now, he wanted to make sure it was fantastic.
November 5, 2006 we had our first date. It was my birthday and probably one of the most special days thus far in my life (second to the wedding). Though he took me to a fabulous restaurant in SF called Town Hall, gave me beautiful flowers to acknowledge my birthday, we talked the night away, enjoyed the SF skyline and talked into the wee-hours of the morning what was resonated most was that I knew this night would lead to something special. It should be noted that one of the traditions of the restaurant was that they give you the bill in an antique book of the area. In this book guest can write little notes about the evening, thoughts on the meal, etc. I wrote in the book about the specialness our first date. Our book, “Champagne Dreams of San Francisco” became extra special later on. I will share in a bit.
I joke with David now because after our first date we both agreed that there would be a subsequent date, and soon. We made no specific plans but I knew we would connect and I was not worried. This felt different for me as I trusted. The next night, he called me to check in. I was just returning from an evening out with my girlfriends and he asked if I was free. My heart skipped a beat, but without hesitation of course I was free. As I drove home, there was David at my house with a red rose and following that he never really left. That was November 6, 2006.
David is a quiet, unassuming, introvert. He walks gently on this earth and speaks with a soft voice. He is smart, well read and an incredibly gifted musician. He has a small, very close circle of friends and is very close and connected to his very large extended family. He is Persian and those cultural roots are a very rich part of his upbringing and have played a very important piece in his life. He was hardly a serial dater, had only a few very long-term relationships with women. The marriage of his younger sister was transformational and the catalyst for him that he wanted that for himself. He too wanted to find a partner.
I too was not the serial dater but had made a decision at 30 that my life needed to change and I deeply wanted to find a partner. My personality is extroverted. I work in education, value life-long learning, am political and very civic-minded. My soul food is my community and the people around me, I am loud, passionate and wear my heart on my sleeve. I have a very close inner circle of friends that are like family and a very small immediate family. It would be fair to say that David is the yin to my yang---and it works.
Our courtship continued for the next few years. We traveled together, shared our families together, and attended the weddings and births of friends and family, mourned the passing of loved ones and spent time really learning, growing and understanding each other at our core. We have laughed about our eHarmony courtship. I have shared with him how dorky I thought his profile picture was and we together have developed a passion for wine and the exploration of wine-regions. We are both individuals, had rich, very full lives prior to meeting each other so we had to learn to incorporate this life in our new partnership. We were in our mid-thirties so needless to say we had some of “our ways” pretty set.---though we knew the sum of our two parts was greater than our individual wholes and we continue to be committed to this reality.
David proposed to me while we were on our first trip to Hawaii late-May 2008. While at a luau seated at our own private, ocean-side table for two, out of his bag he pulled this very old book, “Champagne Dreams of San Francisco”. Yes, the book the check came in from the restaurant of our first date at Town Hall, November 2006. He had created a safe space for the ring inside the pages. Of course, I said yes…. we spent almost a year planning our wedding. Honoring David’s Persian culture was important, while blending my family and traditions just as important. On July 11, 2009 we were married. Surrounded by our close family and friends, our wedding was a beautiful joining together of Persian and American traditions. We said vows in Farsi and wrote vows to each other. A double rainbow shone over the July California sky to grace our union. Our families forever blended in the beautiful way that David and my lives have come together. As it says on our wedding invitations, "Where there is love there is life." For David and I, we are eternally grateful to eHarmony for our togetherness, we have found life.