To celebrate Valentine's Day we're launching a major effort to find and congratulate eHarmony's successful couples. And while we know of thousands and thousands of marriages between our members, we are confident that the actual total is exponentially higher.

To help us we've created a Tell Us Your Story page. By visiting this page you'll be able to easily send us the details of your relationship.

eHarmony is excited to begin sending exclusive wedding gifts to couples who meet and marry through eHarmony. The wedding gifts, created by Tiffany & Co., will celebrate each eHarmony couple's success and express our best wishes as they begin their lives together.

Greg Forgatch CEO and co-founder of eHarmony says, "We�re so thankful to our married couples for the way they have spread the news of eHarmony's compatibility matching, and I believe that a Tiffany gift is the perfect way to wish them a lifetime of joy, love, and compatibility."

If you've met someone special on eHarmony - whether you're dating, engaged, or married - we would love to hear your story. Please visit the Tell Us Your Story page and share the details of your eHarmony romance. Or if you know of someone who married through eHarmony, please encourage them to visit this page and share their story.

return to top

eHarmony News - eHarmony's Neil Clark Warren Guideposts Cover Story

Neil Clark Warren is the cover story and focal point of Guideposts' February 2005 issue. The in-depth piece, which is the second in a series on "Making Marriage Work," allows Dr. Warren to write at length about his own 45-year marriage to the love of his life, Marylyn.

"During our courtship and early years of marriage, Marylyn and I could spend hours gazing into each other's eyes. Then came children, mortgage payments, and career hurdles. Who had time for cuddling? 'Why can't you be more romantic?' she asked. That made me feel worse, as if she were criticizing me more than asking me to fill a need. What was I supposed to do? Compose sonnets? Perform a ballad? Dance a tango? The prospect was so daunting I did absolutely nothing.

"One day I discovered a secret. I was overcome with the impulse to call my wife from the office and say I was thinking about her and how much I loved her. Don't be silly, I thought. But I did it, and wow, did it do the trick! I've learned to act on those romantic impulses, even if it's just surprising her with her favorite candy, a Mounds bar. Chemistry can be worked on. It doesn't have to disappear with the first gray hairs. If you come to me and say, 'The spark is gone,' my response will be, 'Let's figure out how to reignite it.'"

By sharing the challenges and triumphs of his own marriage, Dr. Warren is able to encourage readers to reach outside their comfort zone and embrace ideas and strategies that will deepen their relationship and strengthen their bond.

To see the entire article pick up a copy of the February Guideposts magazine.

return to top

eHarmony Tip - 4 Things You Need to Know about eHarmony

We've worked hard to make eHarmony's site and matching process effective and easy to use. But occasionally everyone needs a refresher course in some of the basic features and functions of our service. We asked eHarmony's Customer Care Department to pull some of the most common questions and below we've given you a detailed response.

Is there anyway to speed up the Communication Process?

If you want to speed up communication, you can always FastTrack. By clicking the FastTrack button a message is sent to your match that says, "Are you willing to bypass the guided communication process and proceed directly to Open Communication?"

If your match isn't ready for Open Communication yet, you will continue through Guided Communication. If they ARE ready for Open Communication, you start exchanging messages within eHarmony's anonymous Open Communication System.

When I receive a match - does that match receive me?

When a match is created our system automatically sends out an email notice. That noticed begins:

There's someone we'd like you to meet...

"Dear Jim and Jane,

eHarmony's Compatibility Matching System ® has found that you two are a highly compatible match, based on our rigorous 29 Dimensions scale. With this level of compatibility, we believe you two will have a lot to talk about and may even find true love together."

This notice goes to both sides of the match simultaneously, though this obviously doesn't mean that both people will discover the email at the same time.

We also like to encourage our members to be proactive. While many of us have been taught to wait for someone else to "make the first move," eHarmony is a different environment. Reaching out to a match is really just the beginning of a conversation, and initiating communication is the best way to get the most from the service.

Is my "About Me" page used in the matching process?

The "About Me" page is the first page your matches see when they reach out to get to know you. It contains a variety of questions that allow you to express your thoughts and feelings in a detailed way. We believe it is a vital step in the match communication process.

We don't, however, use this page in our search for your matches. We use the 436 item Relationship Questionnaire to learn about you in a meaningful way. What we learn about your personality and relationship needs is then used to find someone who is similar with you in the ways that are vital for long-term relationship success.

What are the 29 Dimensions?

The 29 Dimensions of Compatibility are the foundation for eHarmony's matching system. These are the personality traits that Dr. Warren discovered while doing research on couples who had been successfully married for decades. We base our definition of compatibility on these dimensions.

To learn more visit the 29 Dimensions page.

return to top

eHarmony Feature - Singlehood, Valentine's Day and The Good Life

By Dr. Neil Clark Warren

There's a change in the way single Americans are looking at life. The old ideas about society's expectations are giving way to a new mind-set, a new idea about managing life's most important decision. In my role as eHarmony founder, I get to touch base with many people who are searching for their lifelong mates, and I am often astounded by the not-so-subtle change that is taking place.

The "needing" a mate to survive has become "wanting" a soul mate with whom to create a brilliant, loving relationship. The idea that you can fix a mate once you're married and the relationship is entrenched is fading as more people insist on choosing emotionally healthy marriage candidates. And perhaps most important, singles are looking for mates who are similar to them in the ways that really matter most for long-term happiness.

Now, it won't surprise you that I feel as if eHarmony has had at significant role in helping people make these attitude changes. We've spent four and a half years reaching out and trying to match people based on what will make them happy in the long run.

Many of the singles I talk to dread Valentine's Day. They see it as a reminder that they don't have a special person to share their life with. They see all the romantic celebration around them and feel left out and sad.

But this year, if you are single, I'm going to ask you to celebrate Valentine's Day in a way that will turn your thinking upside down. You are going to use Valentine's Day for your own purposes, to celebrate the changes you're making in your search for someone special.

You're Celebrating Your Decision to Select with Care

Most relationships are born based on four or five compatible traits (usually appearance, status, personality, and chemistry). Based on my research, I learned about 29 critical dimensions in which most happy and successful couples enjoy great similarity. Once you start to learn about these traits, your mate selection process changes forever. You can see the list on the eHarmony site.

I firmly believe - and my clinical experience has shown - that individuals who are well matched in these 29 areas have more ENJOYABLE marriages. They are so similar that the mechanics of living together and loving each other work well.

By celebrating this change in your thinking you're virtually guaranteeing that you will NEVER end up in a marriage where the differences between you and your spouse tear the relationship to pieces.

You're Celebrating Your Commitment to Emotional Health

Helping people to find a suitable marriage partner is an extremely complex endeavor, but in the center of all this complexity there is one simple and unchangeable truth - a great marriage is built by two emotional healthy individuals.

You may wonder how a person goes about becoming more emotionally healthy. Well, after seeing patients for 35 years, I've been able to draw a strong connection between emotional health and great decision making. In fact, I believe that emotional health can practically be defined as a person's ability to make great decisions from moment to moment.

Let me repeat that: if you can make great decisions from moment to moment that balance a variety of concerns and input, you are enjoying emotional health.

For many years, my father made practically every decision for me. I was 30 years old. I was living miles away from him. He wasn't telling me what to do per se, but every decision I made was based on what I thought my father wanted me to do. He was living in my head, making my decisions for me.

The most important key to making great decisions is making sure that YOU are the only person in your "control booth." If you will commit this Valentine's Day to this concept of emotional health and each day insist on making your own decisions, you will be laying the groundwork for a loving, healthy marriage somewhere down the road.

You're Celebrating Your Commitment to In-Depth Knowledge Before You Become Emotionally Involved

As human beings we are, in some ways, at the mercy of our biology. Ending a relationship, even with someone that we know is wrong for us, can be heart-wrenchingly difficult once we become emotionally connected. This quicksand effect has created mountains of misery for many well-meaning couples.

One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is a commitment to get to know someone well before becoming emotionally attached. I believe you can make an informed decision within two dates. I even wrote a book called "How to Know if Someone Is Worth Dating in Two Dates or Less." By committing on this Valentine's Day to approach every date with your ears wide open and your objectivity in place, you can learn everything you need to know about a potential partner before you lose your heart to that person.

You're Celebrating Your Decision to Hold Out for Your Soul Mate

Many people decide that good enough is good enough. They decide that being alone is too painful and settle for the "next" person instead of the "right" person. At eHarmony we believe in the power of your soul mate, and I always encourage people to hold out until they meet that one special person.

This Valentine's Day I want you to celebrate your refusal to settle. I'd like you to make a list of your top ten MUST HAVE traits and your top ten CAN'T STAND traits. Don't be surprised when you discover how difficult this list is to create. You may have 50 items that you MUST HAVE in a mate, but if you'll commit to a top 10 list, you will have given your search focus and created a reasonable expectation.

Once they are completed, these two lists are ABSOLUTE. This Valentine's Day you are celebrating the power of your MUST HAVES and CAN'T STANDS. From this day forward you will refuse to even consider a partner who does not fulfill both lists. This is the gold standard, and you will never accept less. As I'm fond of saying, a bad marriage is a million times worse than no marriage at all.

So on Monday, February 14, call some friends, order a pizza, go out on the town, do something special, and celebrate the peace of mind you have from knowing that you are changing the way you search for a soul mate. Celebrate, knowing that when you do meet that soul mate, you'll be ready to create a brilliant relationship that will last the rest of your life.

return to top