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| Welcome to Enlightenment, a bi-monthly look at eHarmony's online matching service and the world of relationships. We are here to enrich your life and help you fall in love for all the right reasons.
IN THIS ISSUE
eHarmony Tips & News eHarmony's Second Anniversary On August 22nd, 2000 we began bringing people together in a new way. We gathered all the conventional wisdom about dating and creating relationships. We examined it in every detail, considered it from every angle, and then -- ignored it. eHarmony decided to take a step in a different direction...a direction validated by research on couples who have spent a lifetime enjoying a successful marriage. That research shows that the path to a brilliant relationship is based on 29 Key Dimensions. We decided to bring people together because their souls fit together. The success we've witnessed and the love we've helped create exceeds even our own expectations. In the past two years, over 200 couples have gotten married because they met on eHarmony, and we believe these relationships will endure and grow into brilliant life-long marriages. We've received cards, letters, and email from thousands more thanking us for helping them find the sort of love they had always dreamed of having. We want to thank you for supporting our efforts and believing in our work. Without the brave, committed individuals who have trusted eHarmony, we would still be at the starting gate. Your interest and word-of-mouth endorsements have helped to create a powerful force that's helping to change the state of marriage in North America. What People Are Saying About eHarmony "I spend much of my professional time talking to people whose lives have been shattered by poor relationship decisions. It seems that even for thoughtful, committed people relationships are often destined to fail. eHarmony is the only effort I've seen that attacks the root of the problem, poor selection at the very beginning. I honestly believe that eHarmony represents the best hope for someone who is trying to build a stable, loving relationship. In fact, with eHarmony's help, the dating process becomes much more relaxed, because the compatibility questions have been answered. That leaves you free to enjoy your time together and focus on the romantic chemistry. " --Dr. Les Parrott Dr. Parrott is co-director of the Center for Relationship Development and professor of clinical psychology at Seattle Pacific University. He is the author of several books including "The Control Freak" and "Relationships" and has been a guest on many radio shows and featured on national television including CBS This Morning, Good Morning America, Sunday, NBC Nightly News with Tom Brokaw, CNN and Oprah. The Winner of eHarmony's Dream Date Contest The Dream Date Couple has been chosen The winners of eHarmony's 2nd anniversary Dream Date contest are Candace Crossey of Pittsburgh, PA and Brian DeMatte of Ashburn, VA. Candace contacted us and here is an excerpt from her winning story. "I joined eHarmony back on February of 2002. I was matched with Brian DeMatte in March and we've been together ever since. When I read his profile, I thought it was fun and sweet and decided to get to know him. We both enjoyed our questions and answers so much that we quickly moved to exchanging pictures and emails. We both learned how much we had in common and had so much fun talking. It was only a couple weeks later that we decided we wanted to meet face to face. He lives in Virginia and I live in Pennsylvania. I decided that I would drive down and meet him in Washington D.C. When I saw him I thought he was even cuter than his picture and the chemistry was there instantly. We talked and laughed over dinner and decided to go to Georgetown and listen to jazz. While at the club, we talked and listened to music. We couldn't keep our eyes off one another. At one point, we both leaned towards each other and had the most amazing first kiss of our lives! It was as if everything and everyone in the room disappeared. I actually melted. At the end of the evening, he was a perfect gentleman and took me back to my hotel and drove back to his place in Virginia. The next morning, I heard a knock on my hotel door. I thought it was the maid. When I opened the door, Brian was standing there, in the rain, with a big bag of groceries so he could make me breakfast! I knew at that moment, he was the guy I had been looking for! We both joke that it's a miracle we found one another. We are both so happy! I was beginning to lose hope that my soul mate was out there. I thank God, Dr. Warren and eHarmony for helping me find him." Candace and Brian will be going on a spectacular, romantic date designed by eHarmony. Stay tuned as we report about the date details in a future edition of Enlightenment. Your Most Common Questions Every athlete or musician will tell you that on occasion it is necessary to revisit the basics of your craft. Whether it's the All-Star Center practicing his free throws or a concert pianist running scales, these simple building blocks create the solid foundation that is necessary for great achievements. With that model in mind, we're going to re-visit the most common and basic questions eHarmony receives, a primer of sorts for both new visitors and seasoned members. This is only a primer. For a detailed looked at each of these questions visit our Frequent Questions at www.eharmony.com. 1. How Many Users does eHarmony have? Currently eHarmony has over 415,000 registered users. This large number helps us find someone who shares compatibility with you in the 29 dimensions that determine long-term relationship success. We have users in every corner of North America. 2. How much does eHarmony Cost? Being part of eHarmony is absolutely free. You can complete our Relationship Questionnaire and receive an in-depth Personality Profile at no charge. In addition, you can read an introductory page about each match without purchasing a membership. You only pay when you are ready to take the next step and communicate with a match or matches. There are 4 eHarmony membership plans:
3. How many Matches can I expect to receive? There is no limit on how many matches you can receive from eHarmony. However, due to our stringent matching criteria it is unlikely that you will receive more than one or two matches at a time. Our goal is to give you 10-25 highly compatible matches over a 12 month period, although we often provide many, many more. Some members have waited some time for their first match; this is not unusual. We would rather ask you to wait for a compatible match than serve up just anyone. But every night we are comparing your profile to the hundreds of thousands in our database to find matches who will fit your unique personality. 4. How is Chemistry Addressed in Your Matching Process? We are passionate about chemistry and believe it to be a significant part of any brilliant relationship. eHarmony firmly believes that building a great marriage is virtually impossible without the attraction and excitement that come with passionate love. It is certainly one of the most mysterious of all factors and varies inexplicably from person to person in a way that makes it difficult to factor into the matching process. So...we DON'T match on it. We let you be in charge of the chemistry. We match you with great singles who share compatibility with you on the 28 other key dimensions that are vital to long-term relationship success. Then you get to know each person better...and see whom you like and with whom there is mutual chemistry. 5. How is Age used in Matching? eHarmony doesn't use a strict age requirement when matching singles. We use a flexible scale that is only a part of the entire matching equation. Mathematically, the age part of the algorithm works like this: Women are matched with Men that are between 90.9% and 133.3% of their age. Men are matched with Women that are between 75% and 110% of their age. Two years of matching data have established that this age range creates the most opportunity for a successful relationship. However, we also allow you to lower the younger age range and increase the older age range as you see fit. You can change these age settings at any time by visiting the About Me page. 6. How does eHarmony use Photos? eHarmony is primarily focused on letting members get to know their matches from the inside out. Our research tells us that inner values are more important to the success of a long-term relationship than appearance. For that reason, we encourage our members to share photos after they have experienced 4 rounds of guided communication. However, you can choose to share your photos from the very beginning. We want our members to have the control and flexibility they need to choose which match is right for them. On the My Photo page, you will be free to reveal your photo:
In order to view your match's photos you must be a paying member of eHarmony. 7. Do you have any sort of Guarantee? eHarmony has two guarantees. Everyone who buys a membership receives a 7-day Risk-Free trial. This means that you can receive a refund, for any reason, during the first 7 days of your membership. In addition, all but our one month memberships have built-in "match guarantees." These assure you a minimum number of matches during the term of your membership. eHarmony's tremendous success is a result of the quality of matches we provide, and our guarantees are in place so that you will be confident in your search for a Soul Mate. Feature Story The Marriage Checklist For most of us, choosing our spouse is the most significant decision we will make. The person you choose to wake up next to each morning has the power to determine the quality of your life. As eHarmony founder, Dr. Neil Clark Warren, puts it, "So important is that one decision that a lifetime of trying to force the relationship to work with the wrong person is usually extremely difficult." Since August of 2000, eHarmony has been bringing compatible singles together to create brilliant, long-term relationships. Most of our members want to eventually be married and feel the love and confidence that comes from knowing they have a partner for life. They want a soul mate and a life mate. But with any decision of this magnitude, "caution" is a wise motto. Even those couples brought together by eHarmony's matching technology should take each step with patience and good judgment. We asked Dr. Warren what 7 things he would suggest that marriage-bound couples consider before making a life-long commitment. Make Sure the Decision is Your Own First, and foremost, the heaviest responsibility by far for the selection of a great marriage partner rests with the two people who are considering one another. While eHarmony makes every effort to match people effectively, the fact is that many of the 29 crucial dimensions can only be fully assessed on a personal level. Only the two persons directly involved will have to live with the consequences of these choices, and only they are in a position to make a FULLY informed decision about the rightness of their relationship. Verify Your Partner's Emotional Health If either partner has ANY concern about the personality or behavior of the other, they should never expect that this concern will simply dissolve over time. I always say that when you choose to marry, you are implicitly stating that you are willing to live happily with the other person for as long as you both shall live -- IF NOTHING ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON EVER IMPROVES EVEN A SMIDGEN. Consider the Advice of Friends and Family If anyone who knows you well, whether they be family member, friend, or even a well-meaning acquaintance, has real concern about your match with a particular person, listen to these concerns with extreme care. Sometimes, we have blind spots that can only be seen by others. When another person knows us well, they can often bring a new and meaningful perspective about us and our relationships, and this perspective is frequently more accurate than we at first may think it to be. (In this regard, you may want to read Chapter 10 of my book, "Finding the Love of Your Life.") Don't Rush to The Alter Do not be overly eager to get married. We all know how exciting it is to find a person we believe to be our soul mate, and when we think it has finally happened for us, we want to rush immediately toward the full expression of our love. But I counsel couples to take their time, and I tell them that a bad mistake is a thousand times more devastating than the loss of a few weeks together. If you can avoid this "bad mistake" by moving slowly, you will thank yourself thousands of times for your patience and reflectiveness. Watch for Changes in Enthusiasm In making your final decision about marriage, watch especially for signs of internal qualities in yourself or the other person, which tend to become obvious when the initial excitement has worn off a little. For instance, after you get to know the other person, do you find them listening less and talking more, being more selfish about money items instead of generous and giving, or beginning to try to take more control over the development of your relationship? These are crucial signs that need to be carefully heeded. Get Professional Counseling Hold out for pre-engagement counseling. Take the Prepare inventory with an authorized counselor. Talk through every area of your future relationship, and striving to be objective as possible, ask your counselor for their full appraisal of the "rightness" of your relationship. Be Completely Honest with Yourself Be willing to search for the TRUTH about your relationship. Remember that the truth is always friendlier than anything less than the truth. Take a step back from the relationship and consider it objectively. Do you "shine" when you're together? Divorced singles often share with me that, deep inside, they knew their marriage wouldn't work, even before the wedding day. You may want desperately to get married, but you need to assess the likely success of your relationship on the basis of the truth. About eHarmony eHarmony provides a solution for single adults who are sincerely seeking a successful and fulfilling relationship. No personal ads or come-on lines. eHarmony is here to provide real help by providing real matches between real people. |