It’s not just fighting and conflict that can cause problems in a relationship. Boredom and lack of positivity in a relationship may also cause a gradual decline. A recent study by Irene Tsapelas and her colleagues found that marital boredom, measured by how often the participants felt their marriage was in a rut, was directly related to decreased marital satisfaction up to 9 years later. These results held true controlling for how satisfied they were at the time of assessment and also controlled for relationship tension and conflict. In other words, regardless of how satisfied or dissatisfied couples were initially or how much conflict they experienced, those who were bored in their relationships were also more dissatisfied years later.

At the beginning of a relationship, partners constantly learn new things about one another and grow close quickly. This accelerated closeness leads to feelings of excitement. However, over time, excitement can slowly decline as new knowledge about each other and new shared experiences also decrease. In their study, researchers supported this explanation by showing that boredom led to decreased feelings of closeness, which in turn, led to decreased satisfaction.

To combat feelings of boredom in the relationship, researchers say that engaging in exciting new experiences with your partner can help. Previous research found that even taking part in short fun laboratory experiments can help increase relationship quality (Aron et al, 2000). It is about having fun with your partner and remembering the good things in your relationship to extend the strength and longevity of its happiness.

Further Reading:

Aron, A., Norman, C., Aron, E., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. (2000). Couples’ shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78 (2), 273-284 DOI: 10.1037//0022-3514.78.2.273

Tsapelas, I., Aron, A., & Orbuch, T. (2009). Marital Boredom Now Predicts Less Satisfaction 9 Years Later Psychological Science, 20 (5), 543-545 DOI: 10.1111/j.1467-9280.2009.02332.x