Comments on: Why do people with similar marital history get together?

By: Silvia

Silvia — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 02:14:06 +0000

I agree with Bob C. I am a widow and I can totally relate to what you’re saying. I would love to talk to someone who can empathize and relate to what I went through and for him to be able to find the same in me. When you have a loving, happy, long marriage (26 years for us) the death of your spouse is a shocking, life changing experience. In a loving marriage you learn to be empathetic, compassionate and to compromise with your spouse’s needs. All these qualities lead to a long marriage. I believe I would more likely find these qualities in a widower who also had a happy, long marriage than in any other man, at our age (48)
I think the preference for others with similar marital backgrounds is due to our perception of who would be more likely to make us happy.
EHARMONY SHOULD disclose marital status !!

By: Paul

Paul — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 03:50:29 +0000

Andrea is right about dating divorced people only. I am divorced and have just started dating again and I am also finding women who have never been married and they are the same age as me {37} don’t seem to understand what I am looking for which is a long term relationship. I am very frustrated to say the least with some of the dates that I have been on. I also wish that eharmony would try to add in divorced or not divorced into the match process. It might make it a little easier to find someone with the same commitment and ideals to a relationship that I am looking for.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 01:58:18 +0000

I am 38, divorced and only want to date divorced men. Though I think this article makes some good points, my reason for this it that a man who has committed to marriage is a better mate. In general it has been my expericence that he is more likely to want a committed relationship, is more grounded/mature and has a better station in life than an unmarried man in my age range (35 to 48 years old).

Several profiles I see are of 40 something men who have never been married wanting kids. It is obvious by the way their profiles are written, that they want a woman at least 10 years their junior. I question their desire for children, as well as their ability or desire to have a serious relationship. I think eharmony should include marital status as part of the visible profile.

I’ve met three men on here, all never married and all older than myself. I have yet to know why these guys are on here. Not the best experience to say the least. I am familiar with other dating sites, and weeding out the never-married over 40 makes a big difference in one’s dating expericence.

Does anyone know why eharmony doesn’t include marital status? It is to give the user more matches? I’d rather have quality over quantity.

By: Mary Lou

Mary Lou — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 03:46:05 +0000

Not only as a twice divorced woman, but in my work as a psychiatric nurse, I have formed a rather contrary opinion that divorced should marry others who are divorced or widows should marry widowers. Because so many divorced folks have no closure and often carry along the ’scars’ of the unhealth present in their marital relationships; I would prefer to find a companion who has lost his wife.
Even if that marriage had the typical ups/downs that all relationships do; they frequently have do have 1) closure and 2) their memories particularly as time passes are those of the good times, happy memories of sharing and I feel for that reason, I will specifically look more closely at them as I re- enter the single world.

By: eharmony discount coupon

eharmony discount coupon — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 22:39:40 +0000

I think that we like, and attract, people who have similar backgrounds because of the common bond that brings. Divorce is one of the most stressful events to endure next to losing your job or the death of a loved one and is often difficult to explain to someone who hasn’t “been there”. I can see why it’s easier for a divorced single to make a connection with another divorced single.

By: Jan

Jan — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 12:46:58 +0000

Well said, Bob.

By: Bob C

Bob C — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 17:56:04 +0000

I am a widower. When I look at eHarmony profiles, I feel greater empathy for widows than other matches. I have wondered about this myself, and come to the following conclusions (so far):

1) the death of a spouse is an emotionally traumatic event. While I have no illusion that a divorce, especially an acrimonious one, is also a gut-wrenching experience, it is, nevertheless, a *different* experience. I also expect that an unmarried person may very well have had a long-term relationship that ended one way or another, but, once again, this is probably a different experience than my own. I feel that I will be better able to relate to a widow (and she to me), with whom I share a common life event, than someone with a different separation experience.

2) Marriage can be both wonderful and, at times, difficult. If it were never the latter, there wouldn’t be any marriage counselors or divorces. Without placing blame on any divorced woman, I still expect that a person with a long, stable marriage will have been able to weather those difficulties and come away from them (as I have) with both an appreciation of what is needed for a working marriage and some “tools” to help with any difficulties we might have in the future.

In short, I think that people have a preference for others with similar marital backgrounds, because the feel a degree of empathy, based on common experiences.

By: Gwendolyn

Gwendolyn — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 15:59:12 +0000

Interesting. Does this mean my thrice divorced sister is statistically running out of potential male mates?