Beautiful Women Want More
by Erina Lee | May 27th, 2008Does your own physical attractiveness influence what you look for in a partner? According to a study from David Buss and Todd Shackelford (2008), the answer seems to be yes. Researchers investigated 214 married people (half men, half women) to determine how mate preferences were affected by participants’ own physical attractiveness.
Participants in this study first rated how desirable specific characteristics would be in a potential mate. These characteristics included a variety of positive qualities like having good genes (e.g., good looks, physically fit), good investments (e.g., income potential, education), good parenting skills (e.g., raising children is a priority, desire for home and children), or being a good partner (e.g., being a loving partner, being loyal). Each participant’s physical attractiveness level was then rated by interviewers. Taking independent judgments of face, body, and overall attractiveness level, a weighted average was computed for each participant.
Results showed that women rated as more physically attractive were also more inclined to rate each of the characteristics as desirable. These women not only found specific characteristics as more desirable, but overall there were significant correlations between physical attractiveness and most of the mate characteristics, suggesting that beautiful women want more of these desirable features when looking for a mate.
Interestingly, the finding was not universal across gender. In fact, there were few significant correlations between physical attractiveness and mate preference for men, suggesting that more attractive men do not necessarily demand more from their potential mates.
Why does this happen? For men, attractiveness in women is generally highly valued. Thus, the more beautiful the woman, the more currency these women have in demanding certain qualities in their potential mates. Less attractive women, having less currency, find qualities less desirable and perhaps lower their requirements based on the knowledge that they are less desirable. Since physical attractiveness is not as valued for women, especially in comparison to other qualities like intelligence, beautiful men may not have the same influence over women.
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June 7th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
I agree. I take time to look good, building on my natural looks. I watch my weight and am always carefully groomed. It annoys me that men who are overweight, carry around a “pregnant” belly, or are too lazy to dress in clothes that fit and flatter them seek my time and attention. If they don’t care enough about themselves to show the world their best side, why would I want to take the time to care about them?
June 14th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Kate,
That is so shallow and supercilious that I’m ever so glad that I don’t know you.
June 15th, 2008 at 2:55 am
As an unattractive, older woman, I have had almost 200 matches through this service and only 3 men with whom I communicated, briefly. Age, looks, sex-appeal are the primary considerations.
June 15th, 2008 at 10:18 am
As shallow as it may seem, it is the cold hearted truth. The things Kate speaks of are NOT irreparable physical issues. They can be changed. How you present yourself to the world does have a bearing on how others view you. Furthermore, how you chose to present yourself to the world often manifests itself in how you treat others. When you are feeling good about yourself .. you feel good about others.
June 17th, 2008 at 2:23 am
Valerie,
I’m happy not to know you too.
“When you are feeling good about yourself .. you feel good about others. ”
For one thing I don’t need to put on a “public persona” to feel good about myself.
I’m happiest in old jeans and joggers in suburbia and happiest of all when I’m in boots, bush gear and a broad rimmed hat, far, far away from the falseness and superficiality of the towns.
I find the most pleasurable company in the remotest of places:
People who genuinely know who and what they are:
People who have genuine respect for themselves and consequently for the folks around them:
People who are fundamentally honest.
Not many of them to be found in the rush and egocentic crush of city life.
June 19th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Nigel,
Quite wine’ing! The lady’s speak the truth, as we men, well most feel the same. We would like women to stay in shape too. Some may not be able to stay in shape, if it by choice, or by the body having issues and one cannot exercise……
Looks and staying in shape help the opposite sex period. If it be for, health, sexual desire, or just being fit for your partner.
Physical attraction demands more maintenance period, that means effort, time, money, support…… And, yes it can get out of control, and you find yourself with a “high maintenance individual”……. There always has to be a give and take, one cannot demand all of the attention, all of the time…
Just some thoughts from a visual perspective….
June 19th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
I think it takes one to appreciate one, so if Nigel could careless about his looks, then he ‘may’ attracts women who don’t care about looks and vice versa…no need to argue about it.
I have worked very hard to get ahead in school and in my jobs, so I earn a very good living and take care of myself . I have done all these things not because I needed others to appreciate me. It is simply because I do things to make myself feel good and then all things fall into places.
June 20th, 2008 at 7:37 am
Guys/Gals
Nothing counts more than your own opinion of yourself -self esteem. I have exercised and tried to take care of myself since I was 20 years old. The payoff is apparent now that I am 46. No surgeries, heart problems or diabetes yet (and hopefully never), incredible energy, happy, above average bone density, look younger than my age, healthy self esteem and more. I see what happens when people don’t take care of themselves. People overweight to the point of damaging their quality of life. At work I try to help people recover from surgeries and trauma and urge them to make positive changes in their lives so they can be happier, healthier and stay out of the hospital in the future.
Darla, your opinion of yourself is important. If YOU think you are unattractive then do something to change that. Doesn’t matter what those 200 matches think. Unfortunately this world is too focused on looks and weight -both for the wrong reasons. Look good for yourself and keep your weight healthy so you reduce your chances of ending up disabled as you age. You are definately worth it Darla.
Everyone on here makes a valid point. People just want to meet someone that THEY are attracted to -inside AND out. Theres nothing wrong with that. Ever look at someone and say wow he/she’s hot! and the person next to you sais yuck!? Too much emphasis is put on sex way too early in relationships. Where is the fun in getting to know someone, become friends and build up that wonderful sexual tension? People seem to hop from one person to another these days. If I stay single the rest of my life that will be just fine. I am happy, healthy and have great friends and family.
Good luck to everyone here -be happy and stay healthy!
Shirley
June 22nd, 2008 at 7:49 am
My personal style is matching- my clothes-shoes- purse and jewerly.That’s the way I am. I don’t care how you dress(as a man). We are going out to have a good time and that is that you are who you are. I don’t plan on changing for you so why should you change for me.
June 22nd, 2008 at 8:04 am
dear Darla Try bare minerials makeup! It’s a great product. When I switched to it from liquid make what a difference, Lines seem disapare, It all natural and it last a really long time. Watch for it on OVC you get the best deals. you can also take the product that you bought to a bare mineral store and they will help you applying and show you tricks I guarentee you will look younr and natural. I think most men was natural look over the vamp look good luck p.s. I look alot younger than 51 I like like 43or less and never tell a man you age until you got hook line and sinker. Most of them are to closed minded.
June 22nd, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Amazing that Stephen Hawkins’ nurse fell in love with him if looks are so important.
June 25th, 2008 at 7:53 am
Dear E Harmony: I cannot complain about the quantity of matches. I can complain about matches sent outside of my travel paramets and Height.
I realize you have many people with hich to deal but, I would appreciate more attractive women withihin my travel parameters and that they be no taller than 5′5″ Thank you for your consideration
July 1st, 2008 at 8:20 pm
I am not sure why it’s perfectly fine for men to want to date attractive women but when a woman expresses this as well it makes her shallow. It’s not that a guy needs to be gorgeous but just be attractive to you. I seriously doubt that if I looked 10 years older than my age, and was 10 chronological years older than my matches, I’d have much success, but here I find that, as a younger middle-aged woman who looks a decade younger than her age, routinely I’m being matched with men who look at least 20 years older than me. I don’t want to date an old man. I want to date someone youthful and close to my age, and I can count on one hand how many men my age have been presented to me here. It’s baffling. Is there a double standard at play? I don’t see me being matched with men 10-20 years my junior, yet it’s routine for me to be matched with men that much older than me.
July 7th, 2008 at 4:22 am
Nigel, Nigel, Nigel,
Dude let’s be realistic. As someone who has recently lost weight and become more active can attest, it does matter. People who feel good about themselves give off an aura that is attractive to other people.
We’ve all heard comments like “they really let themselve go,” or “he/she takes pride in their appearance.” Fair or not it is reality. If you feel good about yourself people will sense it.
I am not saying that you should put on a fake show, but I am saying take pride in your health and appearance regardless of what that may be. Be the best that you can be. You can wear whatever you want. Feel good about yourself and you will be attractive to others.
July 20th, 2008 at 8:58 am
I read all of the comments and appreciate what you each have said and thank you for taking the time to express yourselves.
I don’t believe that one’s physical appearance inherently affects their lovability. Its their perception that affects their lovability. I am learning this and internalizing it, but it is a process. I am attractive and have gone thru periods of gaining and losing weight and honestly there is no connection between my looks and others being attracted to me.
I believe that the referenced study’s conclusion are invalid. There is too much subjectivity involved to be able to produce any sort of valuable information. Most likely its the women who have greater self-esteem that rated the attributes higher. Self-esteem is not about how you look. Its about recognizing one’s worth.
July 23rd, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Hell yae…about it mattering what people look like and stuff. I’m 39 years old and I work my ass off on the treadmill, and in the gym, and with a trainer…and what was the original question?
ohh..yea…I have been quite disappointed with e-harmony. I got a lot of ‘matches’….funny… of men that were older than I am, had bigger bellies that I have, and played golf.
Did I mention that “I work my ass off???”’ I just divorced one of those! I hate golf and the shoes suck.
July 24th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
The matches are not based on looks. They are based on internal perspectives. So a guy that is early 50’s with a belly and possibly little to no hair can still think the way they did ten years earlier. Body has changed but the mind and personality just grew richer and more vibrant. This is what the matches are based upon.
If we don’t like the matches that have been put in place for us all we have to do is close them out. Lots of people sign up for their services and surely someone will come available for those that are a tad picky.
August 9th, 2008 at 2:47 am
Your attitude to appearance and the body does matter when looking for a partner, as it gives signals as to values. I took up proper exercise (the most important being running outdoors) even though I am of the right weight/BMI because I needed some more activity in my life and wanted to be fit and healthy into old age, and blatantly because I am looking for a man who is also fit and healthy, intends to stay that way, and is physically attractive to me. The other men in my family make the effort, so I’m used to the idea of men making an effort. I enjoy taking care of myself physically for the sake of finding and keeping a man and don’t envisage letting myself go - but I expect a man to do the same. Finally, it is noticeable that the more perceptive men out there actually look for women who do outdoor sports because they are more likely to keep up exercise after marriage and not let themselves go, because they are doing something they enjoy rather than just working out in the gym for the sake of image. So it’s a delicate balance.
August 10th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
I find it interesting how handsome guys prefer women who aren’t as good looking because the fact is, it would take the attention away from what the men were getting and will get directed to the woman. And vice versa, often times you will see an ugly guy with a very attractive woman. Take Paulina Porizkova and her husband, Ric Ocasek of The Cars, or Christie Brinkley and Billy Joel. Why? These unattractive men get the attention they themselves never had, via these knock-out women. It’s a male ego thing again.
Beautiful women out there…….Good Luck! We need it!
September 19th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
I think that a neglected physical appearance signifies something that runs much deeper. Without exception, every man I have actually met through eharmony has posted extremely old pictures and misrepresented other important factors like level of education, fitness, career, etc. When I meet them, I’m very disappointed and angry at the deception. I’m an attractive, fit woman and I am very successful financially and in my career. I have no desire to be with a couch potato who cannot keep up with my lifestyle and has no interests beyond watching sports on television. When I say that we’re in very different places, each one of these men has argued that they felt we were compatible. It takes every fibre in my being to keep from saying “I’m the full package and you’re a mess in every way. It’s never going to happen.” I really believe that if you can’t manage your weight and level of health, you certainly cannot manage all the other important areas in life.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Whate A go Valerie you know after 40 years of being married never cheated didnt wan me any more now legaly seperated 3 to 3 1/2 years. 7 years befor I tried to keep her & it almost cost me my life thank god it didnt when I thought everything was perfect bam! So this time I let her go like Elvis in one of his first songs if you wana kiss you gona have to kiss me back if you wanna hug you gotta hug me back. You know sometime people should keep there mouth shut not always how good people look its how they act also (prettiest girl in the world could be the biggest snot in the world!) you know the song about marring A pretty woman well? I wont say any more about what every mans woman is she is the prettiest & best try & tell any man his woman isnt pretty no matter what she looks like. And see if you dont at least have A fuss maybe A fight I my woman is so so & I LOVE her to me she is the prettiest woman there is every body likes to look even if its teasing your girl’(rember LADIES if he rrealy loves you it will show to no end) dont anybody take mental or phisical abuse not any at all there are men out there dont believe in that junk!
October 11th, 2008 at 9:47 am
Jodi-and any other women disappointed in the dating scene:
BE BLUNT. If you think the guy is a mess in every way, say it…Don’t beat around the bush, don’t spare his feelings-if he hangs himself, oh well, one less weakling…Sound harsh? Yes, but 99.99% of the time they ain’t hangin’ themselves anyway and probably NEED someone to lay it out. You can be honest without being cold. We coddle and comfort people waaaaayyy too much, and dole out punishment in all the wrong ways. It is possible to convey genuine concern while voicing the undeniable Truth of a potentially dangerous health issue (like, say, obesity leading to heart disease and a dead father at 50 or bad hygiene leading to bacterial infections and hospital visits)…
And, on the bright side, you could potentially be the turning point in someone’s life-all because you chose to be blunt while others chose to ignore and enable problems.
Take care ya’all!
October 20th, 2008 at 11:49 am
I believe that it doesn’t matter if you’ve been blessed with beauty. It can be a blessing and a curse. HOWEVER, I feel that no matter how beautiful a woman is, if she is a nag or an out right bitch, SHE IS THE UGLIEST WOMAN POSSIBLE. All women need the same love, support, and blessings no matter what outside trappings are. I hope you all find what you deserve and that is to be treated like a queen.
Craig Wilder
November 8th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Beautiful people, men and women get a lot of attention, so naturally their expectations go up. Hmmm, lets see….. a beautiful face looking back me when passions are high, or one that isn’t….I’ll take the first. So far I have been dissapointed in Eharmony’s matching. They have been too old and not attractive enough to make for any chemistry. I beginning to believe that it is better that we go back to making our own choices as other sites provide. This one is up to a computer program with no personal touch. Looks do play a big part in compatibility! I also looked all over their site for a customer service email… Can’t even communicate with them!
November 11th, 2008 at 10:45 am
I am in my early 40’s, still have all my hair, keep myself in great shape, workout, am highly educated, witty, boyishly handsome, dress very well and stylish and still cant find a date a woman. Why is that? Well its height. I am around 5′7″ and women will date guys of different religions, criminal records, 40 children but if you are not 6ft tall - you are overlooked.
And women find men shallow?….
November 22nd, 2008 at 11:34 am
Kevin - what you say may be true in some cases, but I am 5′2″, and would prefer someone who is 5′7″ over someone who is 6′ or taller. I assume there are other women out there who prefer someone of your height….be patient, she will come along.
January 3rd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
My personal “research” confirms this - hot women want a guy who brings the goods to the table. Do we really need research to figure this one out?
What amazes me are the absolutely gorgeous women who date and marry absolutely hairy, gross, overweight, and unattractive men. What are these women thinking??!!!!
Hey!!!! I’m over HEEEEEERE!!!!!!!
January 4th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
Regardless of whether you are a man or a women it is the height of shallowness to place a high premium on outer beauty! It goes without saying that everyone should have good physical hygeine and should be health conscious, but as long as these requirements are met, you should not judge a person primarily on outer beauty. It doesn’t excuse it to say things like, “its sad but true”. It doesn’t have to be true. Anyone can make the choice to value things other than physical beauty. If I were running a dating website, I would require matches to go through guided communication before being allowed to view each other’s photos so that both people could focus on the important qualities first.
January 8th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
I truly believe it is inherrent in human nature (in this context women) to desire to be as beautiful as you can be. I think most humans enjoy looking at a person of beauty or a measure of attrativeness. I do not find this offensive or shocking..I do believe most women have in them …so type of phsical beauty. Physical beauty has different levels and is very subjective.
We all have our areas preference. If we deny or simply overlook these issues…it does not change them.We are simply choosing our perspective.
I believe all women have a natural beauty in some arena..we simply need to care enough to “find” ourselves and be who we truly are …and have the confidence in ourselves and God to exercise the freedom…that..I think is the beginning of natural beauty and attraction..
I do believe women who have arrived at this revelation realize they truly have a “choice” and exercise the option..Not because of our recognition of beauty..but , simply our recognition of VALUE.
January 10th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
It’s great to read so many perspectives. I had set a “must have” that my man is to be physically fit/attractive. Being that I am open to be flexible in some areas, I thought that I would let this requirement go with the last person I dated. At first impression, he was charming, articulate, strong career. However, he was overweight and not very handsome. But because of all the other qualities, I made a decision to accept his invitation to start dating him. It turned out that we had a different mentality when it came to eating habits, stamina (in every area), and communication. He is highly opinionated. His charm and career hid his insecurities and close-mindedness, and he ended up feeling insecure around my friends and family who are confident and outgoing. I feel I did both he and I a disservice by compromising my standards. For me, it won’t happen again.
January 18th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Kevin a few posts above me is right, women are actually more shallow than men. Yep I said it, and it’s true. Most guys just want someone decent looking, someone that will go to the local sports bar w/ them and eat hot wings like one of the guys from time time. A good looking woman however wants it all, money, looks, social status, a comedian personality, the list is endless. What American women expect from a man now is incredible. Being a good looking man that could be a loving partner forever isn’t enough anymore for American woman. I blame television/movies partially. This all ends up hurting the women in the end though…as many women are actually very unhappy deep down inside even though they may be driving around in some fancy sports car that their rich fiance bought them. Ladies, good looking or not, if you can find a guy thats in shape, decent looking, faithful and loving to you, earns some money, your lucky enough right there. Like Kevin above me, I’m good looking, in shape, and have a great personality, but I don’t make alot of money, so here I am in my thirties, never married, and having one heck of a time trying to even get a simple date from even an average looking woman. Hopefully EHarmony will come through for me, I’m about to give up trying to find someone in this world. Women have just become too shallow and picky, especially the physically attractive women.
February 13th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Men just want the most attractive woman their lifestyle can afford. It’s really just that simple. However, what is “attractive” differs from person to person.
Women, however, just want a guy who isn’t afraid to make a decision.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:58 am
As a young woman I suffered a lot because not being attractive and sexy enough to men..yes I’m reasonable attractive but when in the company of other women men do not even give me a glance I’m not as sexy looking like the other women I’m more like a classic ballerina with classic features and men especially the strong type of men they like strong sexy women and I did not like to go out with ugly men that good looking women did not want for themselves..eventually I gave up and I avoid as much as I could to be with other women in partys or reunions I ‘ve learned to live by myself with my small bussines and to be with my family only..if life is like that for me..so be it
June 30th, 2009 at 11:02 am
I find that men close you out on eHarmony without ever trying to get to know you. Sometimes I think they look at your picture and profile and think this woman would never be interested in me and close you out before you can reject them. I respond to every man that writes me. I have never been a rules girl, but I am changing my mind on that point. As soon as the man thinks they have you, no more calls, no more emails, and you are left doing the work to keep the relationship alive. I don’t care what you look like, what your career is, or how many men talk to you, buy the rules and follow them! - “All the Rules,” by Fein and Schneider. Another good book is “He’s Just Not That Into You,” by Greg Behrendt. Nobody wants a game player, however, once a man finds out you really like him the relationship starts to cool off. Men really do love the chase, no matter what they tell you. My girlfriend is a “rules” girl, and she dates all the time, and she is not as good looking as I am, not as smart as I am, and not as successful as I am. I have read the rules, and I am now a rules girl.