OK, no pressure, but today is a pretty big day if you’re in a relationship. Today is Valentine’s Day and you hopefully got a present for your partner and will (hopefully) receive one in return. Flowers, chocolate, jewelry, it’s all a possibility. You probably have a special time set up today to have dinner, be together, and the all important– exchange gifts. And whether that gift comes wrapped in newspaper comics or a turquoise box, your expression of gratitude during this time may contribute to your relationship happiness months down the road.

One week after Valentine’s Day, Sara Algoe, Shelly Gable, and I surveyed college students currently in a dating relationship. At this assessment, participants answered a series of questions about when their partners had done nice things for them. Valentine’s Day had just passed and they were asked to “think of instances in which your partner said or did something that was particularly positive or nice for you or your relationship.” This question was followed by a rating which captured the extent to which participants effectively conveyed their appreciation for these nice things. This included “how much do you express or show appreciation,” and also “to what extent you think your partner knows exactly how much you appreciate him/her?” Only one participant reported that their partner had not done any nice things in the previous week.

Six months later, we surveyed these participants again. Approximately 40% of the participants (that we could find) had broken up (18 out of 43). Those that did not break-up were significantly more likely to express appreciation when their partner did something nice for them around Valentine’s Day, and were more likely to think their partner knew about this appreciation. And notably, other markers of relationship satisfaction and positive emotions did not account for this effect.

Now, don’t worry. I don’t want anyone to think that breaking up is inevitable if you don’t express enough gratitude. Expressing gratitude is just one part of what keeps relationships together. However, Valentine’s Day provides an excellent opportunity to show your partner how much he or she means to you and how grateful you are to have them in your life…no matter if you get one rose or fifty.

Further Reading:

Algoe, S., Gable, S.L., & Strachman, A. Beyond Reciprocity: Gratitude and relationships in everyday life. Unpublished manuscript.