Parents worry about the well being of their children, no matter how old they are. And children worry about their parents, especially as parents get older and health conditions arise. Worrying is a natural, and in fact common experience between parents and their adult children, according to recent research from Elizabeth Hay and colleagues.

In their study, phone interviews were conducted with 213 triads consisting of an adult child and both of the parents. Each participant was asked about their demographic characteristics, health, neuroticism, importance of the relationship, positive and negative qualities of the relationship, amount of worry for a specific family member, and also how much they communicated their worries to each specific family member.

Results from this study showed that almost everyone worried about their family members to some extent. There were no differences between the amount of worry between parents and their adult children. In addition, worrying was associated with positive ratings of the relationship. We like it when people worry about us. It expresses caring and concern for the other person, and thus has a constructive benefit to the relationship.

Researchers also found that communication of worries was related to both positive and negative experiences in the relationship. Talking about worries may let others know you care for them and may also be an overall indication of how open individuals are in a relationship – we are close enough to express our worries openly. On the other hand, telling someone that you are worried about them may also imply that the other person can’t handle themselves or that they need help, which could be perceived negatively. In addition, it is possible that sharing your own worries may add additional concern to someone who is already worried about you.

So while some worry showing caring for another person is good for the relationship, caution should be given in how you communicate your worries to others. Furthermore, it is important to note that prolonged worry and stress can lead to poor physical and mental health. So while a little worrying may be good, excessive worrying is not recommended.

Further Reading:

Hay, E. L., Fingerman, K. L., & Lefkowitz, E. S. (2007). The experience of worry in parent-adult child relationships. Personal Relationships, 14, 605-622.