Arguing is, almost by definition, the downside of marriage. The “battle of the sexes” may have become predominantly a theme for advertising reality television series, but you might consider the inability of men and women to get along, most notably within their marriages, to be the longest running source of conflict in our multi-cultural history.

Arguing about money, arguing about family relations and “in-laws,” arguing about watching football rather than doing chores…the list goes on seemingly forever. The focus of most literature on improving marriage, and a great deal of research on what predicts divorce, has been how these argument are approached by the combatants/spouses. In summary, one might say that knowing how to come through a fight without being contemptuous or dismissive of your spouse is more important than being able to avoid fights.

Adding to this theme, a new paper coming out in this month’s Journal of Family Communication suggests that individuals in marriages who suppress their anger when fighting actually appear to have a higher mortality rate than those who express their anger more freely. In this research, 192 married couples were studied over a 17-year period. Couples were rated in regards to their anger-coping responses to hypothetical situations, and placed into one of four categories: both partners express their anger; the wife expresses anger; the husband expresses anger while the wife suppresses; and both the husband and wife suppress their anger.

In 27% of the couples where both members suppressed their anger (14% of couples), one member of the couple died during the study period, and in 23% of those couples, both members died during the study period. In comparison, for the other three groups combined, only 6% reported the death of both members, and 19% reported the death of one partner during the study period. These results remained unchanged even when other health factors were accounted for, such as age, smoking, weight, blood pressure, bronchial problems, breathing and cardiovascular risk.

Although the study does raise many questions, the take away seems to be that people who bottle-up their anger, perhaps in the hopes of avoiding greater conflict, or getting-even at a later date, are ultimately more likely to suffer the results in terms of their health.

Further Reading:

Harburg, E., Kaciroti, N., Gleiberman, L., Schork, M. A. & Julius, M. (in press) Marital Pair Anger Coping Types May Act as an Entity to Affect Mortality: Preliminary Findings from a Prospective Study (Tecumseh, Michigan, 1971-88), Journal of Family Communication, Vol 8, No. 1.