If your family was anything like my family you were teased unmercifully as a child. Two of my older cousins seem to take great pleasure in teasing me constantly about whatever they could think up, and if they made me cry the teasing just got worse. I learned to dish it out eventually, and the nicknames and taunts would fly back and forth. (My nickname was “Cainus Lupus” my cousin was nicknamed “Gip”…I have no idea why).

This past summer I was at a wedding with my cousins. What was the first thing we did? We greeted each other with our nicknames and laughed. In fact, if we hadn’t teased each other as children, I am not sure we would get along so well as adults. And there is research that supports that idea.

Dr. Dacher Keltner, a professor at UC Berkeley and my graduate school advisor, is one of the worlds leading experts on teasing. He has proposed that teasing serves some very important social functions. First, teasing is essential to being properly socialized. When someone is teased, it is often others telling that person that they are doing something unacceptable, or at least frowned upon by the group. In fact, most teases about things that go against the norms of the group, acting weird, dressing funny, picking one’s nose, etc. Because teasing is presented in a fun, joking way, it is more likely to get the message across without being overly critical and harsh.

Second, teasing is a way of increasing affection because often it is done in a non-serious way that elicits laughter and positive emotion. The best teases are those where the teaser manages to hit that spot that drives you a little crazy. Of course, in order to do that, the person must know you pretty well and must feel comfortable enough to know that hitting that spot won’t cause a fight.

Third, when people are teased, they often learn about their social identities. They teach us how our peers see us, and help us fit into the group. In college I was teased by my fraternity brothers for being nerdy and smart, but they would all come to me to ask questions come exam time.

In his research Professor Keltner has shown that well done teasing (teasing shows affection, positive emotion, and a joking manner), predicts to friends and romantic partners being more satisfied with their relationships. Of course teasing is not always nice, and when people are aggressive, hostile, and take advantage of being more powerful it turns into bullying, which has distinctly negative outcomes for the bullied.

What this work shows is that teasing doesn’t have to be bad, serves many important social functions, and can make our relationships stronger. My own wedding is coming up this summer. My fiancee and her whole family just love to tease each other and me….I love it.

Further Reading:

Keltner, D., Young, R. C., Heerey, E. A., Oemig, C., & Monarch, N. D. (1998). Teasing in hierarchical and intimate relations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75, 1231-1247.