There was an interesting article on MSNBC the other day. It was about married couples who lived apart. It may sound strange but according to the census about 3.8 million married couples live separately. Of course there are many reasons why this might happen. At least some of those couples must have been separated and either waiting to get divorced or unable to divorce for one reason or another. I am sure there are many cases of dual couple careers where he works in one city and she in another (I know several couples like this). But the example in the article caught my eye.

Jon and Judy were married, both living in New York City, had twin boys together but decided to live apart. Part of the decision was economic (both had small and rent controlled apartments…a rare and valuable commodity NYC) but they also decide to live apart because they were so dissimilar to each other. He loves dreary decor, she lives light and airy digs. She lives pop music, he loves opera. He is a neat freak, she is ok with messiness. Living apart circumvents many fights that might occur if they lived together, and ultimately may have kept their marriage intact.

This highlights one of the reasons why being similar is such a powerful predictor of marital satisfaction. When people are similar they tend to like the same music, keep their houses equally tidy (or messy), and agree that the living room should be painted sea green. Simply, being similar helps couples make it through day to day interactions because they are on the same page. If you wanted the house spotless, and your spouse wants things to look “lived in” there is going to be conflict on housework. The more you agree on the day to day aspects of life, the less strain there is on the relationship.

Jon and Judy seem to have done an excellent job (either intentionally or unintentionally) in setting up a situation that allows them to be satisfied with their marriage. That highlights another lesson from the article. Couples need to be flexible in dealing with their weaknesses (and strengths) and set up situations to minimize unnecessary potential conflict. (Of course some conflict is going to happen, but in general less is better). If you like sea green and your spouse fire engine red, maybe each of you should have one room to paint anyway desired. If it helps navigate around a long fight on the colors of the walls isn’t it worth it.

Further Reading:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21369007/