Thanksgiving, as its name suggests, is a day to be thankful. In addition to the pumpkin pie and turkey, it’s a day to stop and appreciate all that we have- our health, friends, family. But appreciation may do more than make you feel warm and fuzzy on Thanksgiving. Recent research has suggested that the feeling of appreciation or gratitude can actually help to build relationships.

At the Society for Personality and Social Psychology annual convention this past year, Dr. Sara Algoe presented what she calls “The Sorority Study.” At the University of Virginia (and many schools across the country), sororities choose their new members at the beginning of the Spring semester. A few weeks later, after these new members have committed to being in the sorority, many of the 16 sorority chapters hold an event known as “Big Sister Week.” For a four-day period, the “Little Sisters” (new members) each get pampered anonymously by a “Big Sister” (someone who was a Little Sister the previous year). The Big Sisters plan events for and deliver gifts to their Little Sisters during Big Sister Week. At the end of the week, they reveal their identities to their Little Sisters at an event called “Revelations.” Algoe and colleagues took advantage of this naturally occurring appreciation/gratitude intervention to test their ideas about the role of appreciation in building relationships. Little Sisters reported on the gifts they received throughout the week, and both Little and Big Sisters told them about their relationship quality after Big Sister Week ended and one month later.

They found that Little Sisters’ feelings of appreciation for the gifts predicted their reports of relationship quality with the Big Sisters. And, the Little Sisters’ appreciation also predicted the Big Sisters’ relationship assessments. In other words, the feeling of appreciation strengthened the relationship for BOTH the Big Sister and Little Sister. These positive relationship feelings were felt after Big Sister Week and also one month later. Algoe suggests that appreciation may help the recipient (i.e., the Little Sister) to act in relationship-promoting ways and facilitate the relationship between the Little Sister and Big Sister.

What made a Little Sister feel appreciated? It turns out it wasn’t the monetary cost of the gift but the thoughtfulness behind the gift that mattered the most. Gifts that were attentive to the Little Sisters’ needs, represented her likes and dislikes, and indicated that she was understood and cared for were the most appreciated. As an example, one Little Sister had said that she was a fan of a certain a capella singing group, and her Big Sister arranged for her to spend time with members of that group after they sang to her.

Algoe concluded that although it is socially appropriate to be grateful when someone does a nice thing, specific thoughtful features may be required to actually experience appreciation. And, perhaps more importantly, appreciation has the power to turn a momentary exchange into a strengthened relationship. Just something to think about during this gift-giving season.

Sara Algoe, Ph.D. is currently at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill.

http://www.unc.edu/peplab/sara_algoe.html