Finding Comfort with Strangers
by Erina Lee | October 4th, 2007
Sounds odd. Honestly, the very thought of meeting new people makes me somewhat uncomfortable. I think about strained conversation, remembering my manners, wanting to impress. At times think I’d rather spend time alone than have to sit through an awkward introduction.
At least, I thought all of this until I read this recent study about self-presentation. Researchers conducted several cleverly designed studies looking at how participants felt before and after interacting with a stranger. Consistently across their studies, people were found to be happier before meeting a stranger and happier after meeting a stranger, happier than expected, that is. In other words, people were inaccurate in estimating how they would feel before and after talking to someone they didn’t know. Interacting with strangers was better than anyone thought.
Why did this happen? Researchers found that when interacting with unfamiliar people, individuals were more likely to self-present, “to put their best face forward” so that they would be seen as kind, funny, and warm. And in meeting strangers, or just waiting to meet strangers, these individuals engaged in self-presentation and received an unexpected boost in mood. Individuals felt, happier, more cheerful, and more pleasant than anticipated when they unknowingly put their best face forward. This effect even worked when interacting with loved ones.
Of course, when I think about my own interactions, they almost always go better than the worst case scenarios in my head. I walk away with a better understanding of someone, a few moments of shared laughter, and often good feelings – all of this from people I was nervous about meeting. Perhaps next time you have a chance to meet a new acquaintance, friend, or even potential date, you will remember the results of this research. Don’t let nerves hold you back; the encounter is likely to be better than you think.
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October 13th, 2007 at 2:15 am
We sure are social beings, aren’t we. And we live in a modern lifestyle of coming face to face with so many new faces.
(Oh ya, and smiles usually are returned in a nice way too.) Try it today….or tomorrow…..or I guess when ever. True, there is no rush…..we’ll still be here in large numbers. Yet…..why not today??? (But do remember the smile….no matter the language you say “HI” in.)
It’s never easy to leave a comfort zone, but boy it must be a constant battle for those who don’t want to be face to face with a stranger. (It’ll happen anyway.)
And yet, to me our life has so many new faces, new norms from areas of the US, new cultures, new co-workers—-just so many new people.
So, naturally I then can see how it’s a life of so many possibilities with just that one aspect of a social life—–the “social” part and just how social life can actually be. It’s almost endless……(there’s good and bad to that.)
But I want to highlight the optimistic approach that I see in it.
I guess there would be many reasons why I think we feel happy from it. But very literally, if we ARE ALL TOGETHER on this earth as BROTHERS AND SISTERS,…..then could you view that connection as also a part Divine?
Sure, it may not be the girl of my dreams or that idea of the one and only. But does it really have to be that way all the time?
Of course the one and only is the best goal to strive for as you’ll be thanking that girl left and right for the possible conversation…..yet there are still so many people to the left and right and they still are a brother or sister.
So actually, I do think it’s all the more reason why you would feel happier after such a simple act as making a connection. That feeling is also a bit Divine in nature. And even if you just might never see them again in this life; still I think the reaction of seeing each other again will be of gratitude.
And who knows what personal effect that little bit of personal attention can do for the other.
We all feel alone. And lonelyness seems so common at every turn on earth. We feel comfort in help and companionship from our Divine roots in heaven that have a loving Father to help out. And usually miracles happen thru people on earth….yes even today.
So, if we are not viewing at least some of them as brothers or sisters, then it’s not actually a lack of Divine help….but a lack of sight from ourselves. We are overlooking large numbers of divine connections as a brother or sister.
So….the remedy???? Easy…..it begins with HI