A study in the recent Journal of Social and Personal Relationships looked at how relationships began (love at first sight or when romance developed after a friendship), personality similarity and long-term relationship satisfaction. There were some notable differences and similarities in long-term relationships based on how the relationship began.

The researchers studied 137 heterosexual couples from the Netherlands who were married or living together. The average age was 51 and the average length of the relationships was 25 years. Forty-three percent of the couples reported they had fallen in love at first sight. Confirming the obvious these couples knew each other for shorter periods of time than did couples who got to know each other before falling in love. Partners who were friends first had more similar personalities than other couples, specifically in the personality dimensions of extroversion, emotional stability and autonomy. However, there were no differences in long-term relationship satisfaction based on the type of relationship onset, that is both friends first and love at first sight had similar levels of relationship satisfaction.

The authors conclude that while it appears that personality similarity leads to less relationship conflict and greater harmony there are relationship factors that may minimize the threats that personality differences pose for relationships. They also point out that many couples who report having different personalities actually feel like their personalities are very similar.

While it is unclear what relationship dynamics may contribute to successful long-term relationships when there are personality differences, this study highlights that getting to know someone over a period of time with whom you share personality similarities is associated with long-term relationship satisfaction.

Further Reading:

Dick P. H. Barelds and Pieternel Barelds-Dijkstra. Love at first sight or friends first? Ties among partner personality trait similarity, relationship onset, relationship quality, and love. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 2007 24: 479-496.