I’m reading about guilt and in-group behavior, and I can’t help but see parallels to my own life (occupational hazard, I know). Let me explain: I’m going to my best-friend’s wedding next weekend and a mutual friend of ours is walking her down the aisle. He lives across the country and will be flying in the day before the wedding. Unbeknown to the bride or myself, while buying his plane ticket he forgot to take into account the rehearsal or the rehearsal dinner, even though both events were explained to him (and now he’s missing both). Given that he plays such an important role (and brides are usually all crazy the week before the wedding), the bride is understandably disappointed and hurt. Strangely, even though I’m not involved in this scenario, I feel guilty on his behalf. I felt guilt that I didn’t remind him enough, or look for other flight times, and wondered if the bride was disappointed in the entire group for “letting her down.”Think of it as an internal “guilt by association.” According to recent research, people often feels vicarious emotions such as guilt (or shame) when they are associated with those whose actions have caused offense, even though they are innocent. But why? When in-group members engage in negative behavior that potentially reflects poorly on the group, members of that group feel the guilt without the crime. In this case the offense isn’t too painful (it’s not like he’s missing the wedding, thank God!), and guilt often makes people try to correct the situation through conciliatory behaviors. Guilt generates feelings of regret regarding the transgression, and hopefully empathy towards those that have been hurt. On the other hand, if I had felt ashamed due to my friend’s actions, I may have internalized more emotion instead of thinking about the bride’s hurt feelings. Instead of dealing with the offense, I simply may have tried to ignore it, minimize my time with the bride, or just get defensive if she were to bring it up. From this perspective guilt may be more adaptive than shame.

While this is a light-hearted example, one can easily see how the deep pain of in-group shame can cause an individual member to due terrible things. For example, other research found that people who are prone to shame are actually more likely to commit immoral and illegal actions. I’m sure everyone can think of serious examples of shame, group status, and inappropriate behavior.

Further Reading:

Leary, M. (2007). Motivational and Emotional Aspects of the Self. Annual Review of Psychology, 58 317- 344.