Hope for the Best
by Erina Lee | September 13th, 2007
Look on the bright side…things will get better. According to recent research, even expecting a hopeful future may help your relationship (Assad, Donnellan, & Conger, 2007). In their study, researchers found that optimists, those who expected the best and were more hopeful about their futures, tended to have happier relationships compared to those who were less optimistic. Optimism even predicted relationship satisfaction up to 2 years later.
How does this happen? It may have something to do with the self-fulfilling prophecy. If you expect a good outcome, it will more likely come true. But researchers in this study thought there was more to it, that a positive outlook could help people solve problems better. Their results showed that optimists were more likely to listen, show interest and work to resolve problems without blame or criticism. This constructive problem solving in turn predicted happier relationships.
Thinking positively about a better future, may help you get thorough troubled times and overcome the daily difficulties that come up in your relationship. So when life gets you down, look on the bright side. Your relationship may be better for it.
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September 23rd, 2007 at 1:02 am
EHarmony’s own “fun” quiz “When Will You Marry?” is in itself, ironically, a barrier to hope and a very negative advertisement for their service. At age 60, a female in the Northeast where I live, my chance of marriage is only 2.45% Why would any woman in my age group ever want to waste money on this service with these odds?I am young looking for my age, in good health, intelligent, warm with lots of married and single friends but I have almost no chance of E-Harmony or any of these on-line services working! Men in my age group are over represented in the obituraries, married, or looking for a much younger woman, I think. I’m not sure how to deal with these realities but I know when my contract runs out I won’t be throwing any more money into the sinkhole of online dating sites.
September 23rd, 2007 at 4:21 pm
Kathleen is, sadly, correct in her assessment of the demographic realities for singles in her age group. However, I respectfully submit that her conclusion is contradictory to what these facts dictate could be done by an individual who wants to “beat the odds.”
The Marriage Clock provides odds based on the US Census Bureau data on marriage rates. If you are a woman in your 60s who wants to find a mate, the reality seems to be that you are going to need to work harder than a woman in her 20s, 30s or 40s to find a way to meet potential partners. This makes eHarmony an even more valuable asset for this group, if for no other reason than its’ function as a magnet for those geographically disperse single, older males who represent the potential population of suitors. The goal of the Marriage Clock was to encourage people to think about what these rates mean for you and what you can best do for yourself to deal with it.
September 24th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
i like this one also
September 28th, 2007 at 10:51 pm
Kathleen is absolutely correct, but then again, so is Steve. At the age of 46, I find myself seeking a companion, with little success. I tried Match.com last year and met a man I really liked, but we were not compatible (after 16 months of fizzle-out, he is back on Match seeking someone else to meet his mostly physical needs.)
I also took the marriage quiz- just for fun- and the results were pretty sad- enough to make me rethink the idea of ever getting married again. I live in a fairly rural area of CT, having left NY last year, and just finding a man with a full mouth of teeth is an occasion to celebrate… (Last year’s Match man did have teeth (sigh). Whether they were his own or not he would not disclose.)
Ironically, in a world so peopled it seems almost impossible to find someone to be with. I am not unreasonable in my expectations and am flexible in my ideas. I thought the internet dating scene would present an opportunity to meet people I would not run across every day. Unfortunately, I have not received a single match which borders on my hopes, and I am beginning to wonder if I ever will. I, too, could use some words of encouragement; that is before I give up for good.
October 10th, 2007 at 12:50 am
I agree with what Stacy has stated, I found my match on Millionaire Match only after I expressed deep feeling for her, she quit talking with me, and started looking for someone else on the same site. I quit Match- because of the head games and so many women were so dishonest or their mental state of mind was not ready for even seeing anyone. At my age it is growing harder and harder to even meet someone, let alone find someone. I remember when internet dating first started…everyone I met was honest with who they where and what they were seek…You can not even get someone to at least say they are not interested, after you have mailed them. I try to be proactive in my searches…I am so busy with my career that I have little time to go out to meet anyone, Or worse go to a bar or club. I am ready to just throw the ball in and let God work on it for the rest of my life..
October 14th, 2007 at 3:26 am
All right, I’m going to bash a bit on those who are not “looking for the best” in a bad situation, when it is only in your favor to do so. And yup, it is in your best intrest to “hope for the best.” This article brought out truely great reasons to do just that…..you’re more prone to resolve it, and amazingly enough it is bringing out the ability to listen, show interest, and work more while not blaming and criticising.
—PS did I mention you can always make up for it if you forget? 
Now, that seems like a pretty darn good deal if all I got to do is see a glass half full (even if true enough it is also half empty.)
But here’s what I think will really help us out by looking on the bright side……you actually seem a bit brighter!!!
Now, it’s not because of the detergent…..obviously. It’s brighter in the fact that a smile is so comforting compared to a frown. (I don’t want to talk to a frown.)
But there is also a very sinicle view I’ll bring out about a frown too…..I don’t like the effort invovled……that simple. If she’s sad, and I don’t want her to be sad (naturally) and so I now feel the need to make her smile……will I choose that girl over this other girl how is smiling????
And better yet, if that girl is grinning with so much confidence that she’s also giving a wink and this mm mm mm grin…….sorry but the decision just now got made and I’m feeling pretty darn lucky.
Now, I’m still writting on a dating web page, so it hasn’t happened to me…..yet. I mean, I’m still trying just like everyone else in this difficult to understand game. Yet, I think there are lessons to learn as we “hope for the best.”
And can it hurt? If a glass is either way—half full or half empty—and both are true; then is it any more painful by choosing the possitive way of looking at it?
So why not?
Try the half full, and if you can even walk your heart out on a limb and give a fun little wink……and heck ya, you just made someone feel special—believe it or not….you did.
(Oh ya, almost forgot