I’m engaged, and have now spent several weeks looking for my wedding gown. As it turned out, I’m not the type of girl that chose the first, second, or third dress tried on, and have gone through several styles without falling in love with anything (and with such a hefty price tag, I’ve got to love the sucker). I’m starting to worry that the more dresses I try on, the less sure I am of ever finding “the” gown for the special day. My married girlfriends assure me that the dress is out there, waiting to be found, that I’ll “just know it when I try it on.” Hopeful that this is true, I’m planning once again to venture into the bridal gown salons this weekend. According to research by Barry Schwartz and colleagues, I may need to change my perspective- and soon. His research on the ‘tyranny of choice’ implies that the more options one person has, the worse off they may become.

Schwartz (2000) has argued that an increase in options can have negative effects on well-being. Three problems arise when options are added:

1. We need adequate information about each of the options before choosing them
2. Our standards for an acceptable outcome rise with the number of choices
3. As choices expand, people may believe any unacceptable result is their own fault since with so many options they should be able to find a satisfactory one.

Ugh, I think about my gown search and I’m starting to cringe. Of course you can apply this to any number of things, from purchasing a wedding dress to choosing a life-long mate. Think about the schmorgusborg-type of online dating sites were you can get lost just searching for a mate. Why click on one person’s profile when the next might be more interesting, more attractive, more of that nebulous something that ultimately leaves you dissatisfied in your experience, uninterested in the site, and worst- afraid that you’ll always be alone.

So what is one to do? Throw in the towel and pick the next single bum on the street? Should I buy the next dress I try on? Thankfully, no (and seriously who would do that anyway). The key lies in how one defines success, either as “maximizing for the best outcome” or “something good enough that will satisfy me?” Schwartz and colleagues (2002) found that those who are constantly maximizing to find the “best” of what’s out there will routinely feel distressed about any new alternative (how does it compare to what I already know/have) and potentially regret any decision (could I have found something better? looked longer?) since one’s outlook is based on a relative position. There is always room for social comparison. To give you an idea, these people are the perfectionists; the people who cry when they got an A- on a test; the people who trade up their friends and romantic partners for those better looking, more connected, or just “cooler.” The result? Maximizers, as the researchers say, have less life satisfaction, happiness, optimism, and self-esteem. Oh- but more regret and depression.

Ok, so that’s the wrong outlook. Instead one needs to create a mental threshold of “good enough” and stick with it. It’s not so much settling with that resigned sigh, but an absolute line of satisfaction. Once an option meets enough of the criterion to cross this line of “I’m satisfied” then the search can stop. Other options won’t matter. Seeing new options- such as another attractive mate alternative, or another beautiful dress- won’t be a source of uncertainty or distress; they can simply be ignored. And sure enough, those who are looking to “satisfy” their needs and desires based on absolute terms instead of maximizing a result based on relative terms experience more happiness, well-being, and satisfaction.

I’m sure there are times when being a maximizer is not maladaptive, and further research into these differences will probably point to this idea. But there is something to be said about making a decision, feeling confident about it, and moving on. Now, if only I can do that with my wedding dress!

Further Reading:

Schwartz, B. (2000). Self-determination: The tyranny of freedom. American Psychologist, 55 79-88.

Schwartz, B., Ward, A., Monterosso, J., Lyubomirsky, S., White, K., & Lehman, D.R. (2002). Maximizing versus satisficing: Happiness is a matter of choice. Jounral of Personality and Social Psychology, 5, 1178-1197.