Ouch – you were the wounded one as a result of someone’s inconsiderate or neglectful behavior. Maybe they forgot the plans they made with you, left some socks on the floor, didn’t give you the information you needed. You feel yourself getting irritated. Do you confront the issue – have a conversation, or let it slide – maybe if you ignore it, it will go away?

Denton and Burleson (2007) studied just this in their recent paper on initiator styles. Specifically the researchers were interested in how likely are people to start conversations about specific problems within their marriages. Their findings showed that women thought they were more likely to initiate problem discussions more than men. This did not mean, however, that women were more likely to criticize their partners, as initiation was negatively related to verbal aggressiveness. In fact, both men and women who initiated problem discussions were also more likely to be happier in their relationships.

This research highlights the importance of open communication in a relationship. Not only is it beneficial to talk about issues and areas of concern, but it may also be a sign that you are comfortable and open with your partner. Of course, how you say things can be as important as what you say, but next time you find yourself getting irritated, bring it up.