Most days, the news and headlines are filled with updates from Iraq, Lebanon, Gaza, and often include reports of bombings and death counts. While these pictures and news reports are disturbing, they may also have an unconscious effect on our relationships.

Psychologists have found that reminding people of their own mortality can actually increase commitment and desire for romantic relationships. Terror Management Theory suggests that reminders of death make us feel anxious, but a close relationship can protect us from this anxiety. Similar to why a child seeks a parent in times of stress, we seek our partners in times of death-related anxiety. The effect of death anxiety can increase our commitment to a relationship, increase our willingness to compromise personal ideas in order to get a relationship, and can even make us want to work on our relationship despite criticisms and complaints by our partner.

In my own work, I found that this increase in commitment is regulated by cultural similarity with one’s partner. Terror Management Theory also suggests that mortality reminders increase our desire to be with people who share our cultural beliefs. In other words, if we remind people of their mortality, Christians will want to be with Christians, and Caucasians will want to be with Caucasians. So what happens if you are Christian but your romantic partner is not? Jeff Schimel and I found that after asking people to think of the differences between them and their partner, they experienced less commitment than if they were asked to think of the similarities. In short, if you are reminded of your partner’s cultural differences (ethnicity, religion, political affiliation, etc.), then you feel less committed to the relationship during times of mortality related anxiety.

Picture yourself sitting with your partner and watching the nightly news. You see a story about Iraq and suddenly feel happier and closer to your partner. The next story on the news is about the upcoming Democratic debate. You are reminded that your partner is a Republican but you are a Democrat. You suddenly feel unhappy with your relationship and very far away from your partner. You then realize that the only reason for these negative feelings is the combination of the 2 news stories and Terror Management Theory. You no longer feel bad about your relationship, and are thankful that you read today’s eHarmony blog.

Further Reading:

Florian, V., Mikulincer, M., & Hirschberger, G. (2002). The anxiety-buffering function of close relationships: Evidence that relationship commitment acts as a terror management mechanism. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, 82, 527-542.

Hirschberger, G., Florian, V., & Mikulincer, M. (2002). The anxiety buffering function of close relationships: Mortality salience effects on the readiness to compromise mate selection standards. European Journal of Social Psychology, 32, 609-625.

Hirschberger, G., Florian, V., & Mikulincer, M. (2003). Strivings for romantic intimacy following partner complaint or partner criticism: A terror management perspective. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 20, 675-687.

Strachman, A., & Schimel, J. (2006). Terror management and close relationships: Evidence that morality salience reduces commitment among partners with different worldviews. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 23, 965-978.