How does your first name influence your online dating success? The curse of Sheldon.

Harry Burns: With whom did you have this great sex?
Sally Albright: I’m not going to tell you that.
Harry Burns: Fine, don’t tell me.
Sally Albright: Shel Gordon.
Harry Burns: Shel? Sheldon? No, no, you did not have great sex with Sheldon.
Sally Albright: I did too.
Harry Burns: No you didn’t. A Sheldon can do your income taxes, if you need a root canal, Sheldon’s your man… but humpin’ and pumpin’ is not Sheldon’s strong suit. It’s the name. ‘Do it to me Sheldon, you’re an animal Sheldon, ride me big Shel-don.’ Doesn’t work.

-When Harry Met Sally

Now that I’m pregnant, I’m realizing that my future sons’ name has to serve him various functions throughout his entire life, and it mainly revolves around saving him from humiliation.   While I would like to think it just has to do with avoiding insults during elementary and high school, I realize at some point he’s going to start dating.  As Harry (Billy Crystal) so aptly pointed out, his name has to inspire confidence for romance.

Before you say I’m over-thinking the issue, new research points out that having a negative name hurts your chances in the world of online dating.  A study of a European online dating site found that those individuals with extremely negative names, moderately unattractive names, and currently unpopular names (regardless of their popularity at the time of birth) were ignored by potential partners more so than those with popular attractive names.    Since it’s the first thing that people come across and used for introductions, a negative name can create a negative first impression. Even worse, not only were these unfortunately-named individuals less popular on the site, there was also a connection to lower levels of self-esteem, increased smoking rates, and less education.

Are you thinking “Whatever!  I love my name.  I have great self-esteem.”  Consider this: the individuals were judged solely by their introduction email, which contained only the name, age, and geographical location (and the researchers controlled for the latter two).  Those with negative/ less popular names were less likely to have their emails opened; no one judged based on the profile.  This suggests that the self esteem ones feels doesn’t all come from within.  There seem to be real self- esteem benefits to having a culturally accepted name.

Considering that this research was done in Europe, it’s possible that the names that the participants hated wouldn’t be rated as poorly in the US (apparently Germans really hate the name Kevin.  I’m not sure it’s as devalued here in the US, but there’s room for debate).  Reporting the list of names may not mean the same here.  However, the US definitely has a bias toward more acculturated names: a study reported a few years ago that US job applicants who had stereotypically African-American names received 50% fewer job invitations relative to their equally-qualified (but no more so) Caucasian peers.   Yikes.

Gebauer, J., Leary, M., & Neberich, W. (2011). Unfortunate First Names: Effects of Name-Based Relational Devaluation and Interpersonal Neglect Social Psychological and Personality Science DOI: 10.1177/1948550611431644

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