One of the most common situations women ask me about is what I call “Predictable Male Withdrawal.” I’ll take a second to explain exactly what this is and why it’s important…
In the early stages of dating, a man is often attentive, affectionate, and willing to do anything to stay close to you. He talks about his life, his feelings and wants to know everything about you. He wants to make sure you have incredible experiences together.
But then it happens…
At some point you sense a shift in him. His openness and curiosity fades. He rarely wants to talk about your feelings or the relationship. He seems distant and withdrawn. You worry about it, and wonder why suddenly you’re the only one who cares about the relationship. Unfortunately, pointing this out to him only adds to the tension and distance you feel.
Understanding Men and Patterns of Withdrawal
There’s a hard truth about most men when it comes to dating. A man either won’t tell you, or doesn’t know himself, whether or not he’s a “Withdrawer” in relationships.
For example, a man would NEVER say to a woman —
“I’m looking for a committed relationship…but the truth is that I’m not 100% emotionally available. I’ll put you on an emotional rollercoaster by periodically pulling away from you. But hey…want to go out sometime?”
Part of the beauty of online dating and eHarmony is that you’re able to get a rich sense of the man you’re connecting with before you meet in person. But there’s one more important thing you’ll want to know — whether or not he’ll grow to be more loving as the relationship grows, or if he’ll be the kind of man that periodically gets distant, therefore bringing up all your fears and uncertainty.
Identifying “Withdrawers”… And What To Do If You’re With One
The best way to know a man’s emotional habits in relationships is to look at his existing relationships. Is he close to his family and friends? What does he say about them? Is he loving and supportive of them? Or is he constantly negative and dismissive of them?
There’s a lot you can tell about a man by simply listening and observing.
So what if you’re already with a Withdrawer? Follow these tips to keep your sanity:
Tip #1) Avoid falling into the common role of the “Convincer”
When you sense a man is less available to you, and it scares you, the common reaction is to unconsciously convince a man to stay and open up emotionally. This usually shows up as subtle begging, whining, or pouting in order to change his behavior.
Unfortunately, these are the exact kinds of behaviors that seem “needy” to a withdrawn man, and cause him to want to pull away more.
Tip #2) Keep your Center
The quickest way to connect with someone, especially a man, is to be the kind of positive, magnetic person that they can’t help but be changed and inspired by.
When we feel uncertain and worried, we often put more attention and focus on the PROBLEMS we see. But, as the saying goes, sometimes the best medicine is laughter. Try to look at problems in your relationship as OPPORTUNITIES for love, growth and understanding.
To maintain a positive attitude, you have to have a full life — with or without a man. Don’t stop doing the things that make you feel great about yourself and your life.
Tip #3) Lead with Attraction
Talking about your relationship “issues” will never change a man. What does change him is the magic power of ATTRACTION. Remember what drew you to him in the first place. It’s not just physical attraction, but emotional attraction that creates a strong, unbreakable bond between you and a man.
For more tips on dating men and relationships, feel free to check out my website and sign up to receive free weekly tips on the secrets of the male mind. You can check out my eBook “Catch Him And Keep Him” here too:
This article was written by a site sponsor. eHarmony does not necessarily share or endorse the views expressed in the article, but eHarmony does welcome different perspectives on relationships from sponsors and users alike. Please share your comments below and on our message boards.