Three Reasons Why He Won’t Commit

By Guest Contributor Virginia Feingold Clark, YourTango

Three Reasons Why He Won't Commit

Are you in a serious, monogamous relationship with a man and longing to get him to commit to you? Do you feel ready to get engaged or married and yet you’re still waiting for him to make a move to commit to your future together? If you’ve been with a man you love in an exclusive relationship for over a year, you’re in the perfect position to help him make the decision to commit to you. However, many men have conscious and subconscious fears that make them feel ambivalent about committing to any woman.

It’s pretty much a given that a majority of men need some kind of “push” to get them to commit. Most women find themselves in this situation at some point in their relationships. But if you know what their true concerns are, you can put yourself in the position of calming their fears and showing them that their worries are unwarranted.

Here are 3 fears that might be holding him back:

1. He’s afraid you’re going to change him. This is when a man feels that you don’t really accept him as he is. He’s afraid that to please you he will have to change an essential part of himself. He doesn’t want to mold himself to be someone he’s not. To reassure him, you have to accept who he is and show him that you have no intention of changing him.

2. He’s afraid you only love him for what he can do for you. This is a man’s equivalent of feeling like “a piece of meat.” If you are only interested in him because you need a man on your arm or someone to spend money on you, he will feel it. He has to know you love him for who he is without all the extras he brings to the relationship. To reassure him, you need to make him feel that you’re interested in him and not in what he can do for you.

3. He’s afraid you’re going to become too dependent on him. This can happen to the best of us when we fall in love. Without realizing it, you neglect your outside interests or stop spending time with your friends. He then feels pressure to spend more time with you; time he might need for his own activities and friendships. To reassure him you won’t become dependent on him, he has to see that you have a life apart from him, that you can be happy and fulfilled when he’s not around.

If you have tendencies that relate to any of the three fears listed above, you’ll need to work on yourself so a man can feel safe and comfortable with you. When you become the confident and secure woman that makes him feel loved for himself, he’ll know that you are a woman he can trust. That’s when he’ll step up and be the man who is more than ready to commit to you.

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