You’ve probably heard that men like a woman who can be easygoing and fun to be with. And that’s entirely true, especially when you’re talking about men who handle a lot of pressure at work. But this doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Read on to find out how you can make it easy for him to be with you…without losing what’s important to you.
HOW HUMAN NATURE CAN WORK AGAINST YOU
Everyone wants to have their needs met first. It’s basic human nature. But being able to delay your gratification is an amazing thing to develop in your life (and that goes for every part of your life, not just dating). Most people (men and women) want to talk, talk, talk about what they think and what they want. The root of most communication problems lies in NOT considering the other side.
If you want a man to listen to you and communicate well with you, then you need to honestly and critically consider the man’s perspective, his emotional state, his communication skills and where he’s coming from…all at the same time. Here’s the thing…
PUTTING YOURSELF IN HIS SHOES WORKS FOR BOTH OF YOU
When you don’t do this with a man, and don’t consider things from his perspective, in the same way you want him to consider yours, you are subconsciously telling him that you’re more interested in your feelings and what YOU want than you are in his feelings and what he wants.
I see a form of this all the time in business, by the way. Say somebody wants to sell me something. If they immediately lunge in with their agenda, it will likely put me on the defensive. But if they’ve done their “homework” on me and what I’m looking for, instead of coming from a place of need about what they want from me…the whole situation changes the second they show me they’ve thought about what I want. It’s very simple…but extremely powerful.
SHIFTING TO TEAM-BASED THINKING
So let’s take this concept directly back to communicating with a man. Namely, you’ve got to learn to listen and understand where he’s at and where he’s coming from. Patience, empathy and understanding are the first steps towards creating the relationship you dream about with another person who has his own dreams, desires, and frustrations.
Say your boyfriend has a habit of zoning out when he gets home, and you’d like to go out a few nights a week. You can start with an affirming statement like, “I really care about our relationship, and I want us both to be happy.”
When you lead like this, he won’t feel the need to be defensive. You’ll have created a safe space for him to listen. Then you can say: “I understand you’re really tired sometimes and just want to zone out, but I just need to have some nights during the week when we can do something together.” Then you come up with an event you both like rather than focusing on the negative. When you do this, he’ll begin to see you two as a team – and that’s a win-win for both of you.
If you want to know more about how to share your feelings with a man – even the difficult ones – in a way that will really make him want to listen and will make him feel even deeper attraction for you, subscribe to Christian’s free e-newsletter. You’ll learn what it is that a man needs to feel with you in order to want a committed, long-term relationship in which you both feel safe and secure.