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Is He or She The One? 10 Things to Consider

by eHarmony Staff

How do you know if your partner is “the one” for you? While some “just know,” most people said there were certain signs which clued them in…here’s what we discovered as we asked numerous couples.

The Writing is on the Wall

It is so disappointing when we find someone -- and our friends and family are lukewarm in their reception of them at best. When the people who know you best are in complete support of your relationship, they will let you know. And you will likely know that this person is very good for you... and may be "the one."

You Respect and Admire Each Other

Our beloved should be our biggest cheerleader. They see the best in us, appreciating and focusing on our good qualities. If you are with someone who respects you deeply as a unique individual, this is a critical component to a healthy relationship.

They Know What Makes You Happy

If your partner is aware and insightful enough to know how to brighten your spirits after a very long day, this means they understand you pretty well (and they pay attention too!). We are ultimately all responsible for our own happiness, but it is comforting to know that you are with someone who observes when you might need a little happy boost - and knows exactly what to do.

They Manage Conflict and Stressful Situations Well

One woman told us she knew her guy was "the one" when he spent the entire weekend helping her clean out her aunt's home (who had been a hoarder and suffered from dementia). He didn't have one complaint or critique, and spent hours assisting her in any way he could. He was even able to make light of the situation, and just handled a potentially draining and difficult experience with maturity and patience. Having someone by your side who is wise enough to go with the flow is invaluable.

There's Minimal Drama

If you share values and a general compatibility, things should flow fairly steadily. This is the way a healthy relationship should be... and a sign that you are a great match. If there is constant battling or butting heads over an extended period of time, you have to ask yourself, "Is this what I want to spend my energy on for the rest of my life?"

They Inspire You to Be the Best Version of Yourself

When someone comes along who really believes in you and encourages you to shoot for the moon, this is a sign that they are not only wonderful -- but a great partner. We can all use some positive support, and having that in your relationship is like uncovering a rare gemstone.

You are Both Comfortable Being Yourselves

We asked a guy how he knew his wife was the one...and he told us his grandmother gave him some sage advice: "As soon as you meet a girl that rides a bike, you'll marry her." The bigger point here is that both men and women love being with someone who can let their guard down, be authentic, and reveal who they truly are. There are no games and no pretenses. And they are willing to ride a bike - and not look perfect on that first date!

They've Got Your Back

Life can get dramatic at times - as much as we'd like to avoid it. Is your partner unwavering in supporting you? Are they there to help you pick up the pieces - whether it's a bad day or something far more serious? Do they listen to you without judgment (or criticism) when you need an ear? Then you are very lucky.

You Share Life Priorities and Values

She might love vanilla, while you like strawberry, and that's cool. But when it comes to fundamental beliefs, it is a beautiful thing if the two of you are on the same page. Do you both highly value things like honesty, generosity, health, family, and kindness to others? Then you are on the right track...

They Own Their 'Stuff' - and Don't Expect You to Solve their Problems

We've all got baggage. The willingness to own it, work on it, embrace it and not be afraid to look at how we can improve ourselves is a highly desirable trait in a partner. This person knows that they are responsible for their choices -- and don't expect you to fix or fulfill them.

Tell us about your experiences with finding "the one." Can someone be "the one" forever - or just through certain phases in your life?

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