Women: Are You Too Independent?

by Brooke Betts

Women: Are You Too Independent?

Yes, you can do it all yourself. You’re more than capable, actually. When your car breaks down, you know just where to go for the best service. If anything needs fixing around the house, you can handle that too. You have a successful career, close friends and hobbies you love. 

Question

But is it possible that your life is too great; that all these wonderful things have filled it to the brim and left little room for a partner? Is your complete and utter independence sabotaging your chance at finding love? Can it be that you’re too independent for your own good?

 “What do you expect me to do?” you’re probably thinking. “Why shouldn’t I live my life to the fullest? My sister met her husband playing soccer, and my best friend met hers at the market, so why can’t I meet mine the same way? Besides, almost all the dating and relationship advice out there tells me to work on myself, and that a man “can’t complete me” or “make me happy”.  

Our response

We hear you. And while that advice is solid, the “just be happy with yourself, and he’ll come along when you least expect it” adage leaves out an important step: taking action that moves you in the direction of what you want.

If you’re really looking to meet someone special – while you may not be able to make that happen tomorrow – you can up the odds it will happen sooner by communicating with your matches, going out on dates and being open to the possibilities around you.

But, all that takes time. If you have yoga on Monday, your book club on Tuesday and the rest of the week is jam-packed, when is all this dating taking place? When you have to choose between writing someone back or getting that extra 15 minutes of much-needed sleep, the latter often wins out.

We’re not suggesting you drop all your activities and friends and “go on a manhunt!” The right man for you won’t be intimidated by an independent, successful woman, either. But, if men always feel like you’re squeezing them into your calendar, they may keep looking for someone who does have the time for them.

How men want to feel

Men want to be loved differently than women do. Whereas women long to feel adored and secure, men crave the feeling of being needed and appreciated for what they can do for you. Men need to know they add value to your life and that their presence makes it better.

Historically, men have been the providers, so they like to know they’re still bringing something to the table, even in this day and age. If you already have all your bases covered, that can be intimidating, because what can they possibly offer you?

Let men be men

As a modern woman, you may be so accustomed to handling things on your own that it feels foreign or silly to let other people help you. If you feel that way, remind yourself that men want to do things for women. They enjoy it; it makes them feel like men.

So, even if it feels weird or awkward at first, just try letting them open your door or set up your TV. Men are also natural problem-solvers and can give good advice and a fresh perspective that the female brain can’t always see.

People need people

As the Barbara Streisand song goes, “People who need people, are the luckiest people in the world…”  But, the truth is, we all need people. In the current “each man for himself” world we live in, however, sometimes it seems like we’ve forgotten that.

It’s okay to depend on each other, though. We’re not talking about co-dependence or depending on others for our happiness; rather, a healthy interdependence that includes sharing our lives, receiving support when we need it and feeling connected to one another.

Besides, when you do get married, you’ll have to give up some of that independence for the good of the husband/wife team anyway – which will be well worth it for the rewards you’ll receive.

Give off the vibe you intend to

There’s nothing wrong – and everything right! – with being successful, driven and all-around awesome. But, there’s also a big difference between an attitude that says, “I’ve created a pretty great life for myself” and one that screams, “I don’t need a man.”

So, don’t be afraid that you’re single-handedly reversing the feminist movement by wanting to meet someone, making the time to do so and accepting men’s help when they’re so inclined to give it.

This isn’t meant to sound like a judgment on how you live your life, not in the least. But, if you’re exhausted every night from trying to get it all done – not to mention more than a little bit lonely – it might be something to think about.  

What do you think?

Any thoughts, ladies and gents? Is this article hogwash? Or is it true: can women be too independent?

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