It’s all too easy to decide a certain man isn’t for you – we make such quick judgments from those first impressions. And if you’re on eHarmony, you might think that there’s plenty of choice, which means you shouldn’t have to settle for someone who doesn’t measure up.
But giving a man a chance isn’t settling – it’s opening yourself up to the man who is ultimately right for you. Here’s why…
MAKING SNAP JUDGEMENTS MEANS YOU COULD MISS YOUR MR. RIGHT
Remember Charlotte and Harry on Sex and The City? The bald, sweaty, often brusque man was not Charlotte’s ideal suitor by any stretch of the imagination. If Charlotte had met Harry at a bar and he had asked her out, she probably would have rejected him out right. But, as you may know, Harry was Charlotte’s lawyer, so by default she was spending more and more time with him. Before she knew it, she was swept away by the “wrong” guy who was absolutely right for her and adored her like no other. Likewise, the perfect guy for you might not come in the package you’ve imagined…but you won’t know that unless you give him a chance.
The other thing to remember is that you wouldn’t want a man to make a snap judgment about you. Think about the times a man has written you off without taking the time to discover all the wonderful things about you. So, if you find yourself thinking “he’s to this” or “he’s too that,” stop and ask the very same questions about you. Are you the perfect height? The most desirable weight? Are you without flaws yourself? Remember that any man who dates you will also have to overlook your “imperfections”…and focus instead on what makes you who you are.
YOU COULD BE SHORT-CIRCUITING YOUR CHANCES FOR TRUE LOVE
Every single man who comes into your life – regardless of how long he stays or what kind of an impact he makes – will teach you something you need to know to get you to the next stage of your love life…and help you identify the right man when he does show up.
Maybe this new man will turn into the best guy friend you ever had, maybe he’ll open your eyes to parts of you that are more attractive than you’ve ever considered. Or maybe there’s something about him that will clue you in to something you need in a man.
Ask yourself: is there something I need to find out here? For instance, maybe he’s an artist and you’ve only dated business-type guys, and this guy shows you how to appreciate the sensitive side in a man. Or it could be that this new man treats you so well that you’ll realize you deserve so much more than what you’ve been settling for.
BREAK THE PATTERNS OF YOUR PAST…AND FIND TRUE LOVE
If you’ve been making bad choices in your love life until now – if you’ve had your heart broken too often or you seem to pick the same kind of men who aren’t good for you – then you need to let a man grow on you in a different way. You need to learn to feel the pleasure of being loved and appreciated by a good man. And the only way to do that is to push yourself past your usual comfort zones and give different kinds of guys a chance – namely, the men who are pursuing you.
Here’s a quick little exercise that will open your eyes: write down the qualities you’re looking for in a guy, then write down the qualities of the last four guys you dated. Are they similar? Are you repeating a pattern? Only by expanding your view of what constitutes a worthy date will you finally be able to break the patterns that have been holding you back.
Before you write off a new man, give him six dates. Yes, six (unless he makes you feel uncomfortable or is disrespectful.) But if you find him pleasant enough, look past the initial lack of fireworks and simply spend time with him on a get-to-know-you basis. Forget the pressure of dating, and just get to know another human being. True chemistry only happens over time and when you feel safe with someone; this is the kind of chemistry that stands the test of time and plants the seed for a lifelong romance.
Rori teaches women how to attract the right man and have the kind of close, connected relationship they’ve dreamed of. To learn specific ways to relate to a man – from the early stages of dating all the way through commitment – subscribe to Rori’s free e-newsletter. You’ll discover a new, fun way to date that’s all about you, raises your self-esteem, and draws the right man to you effortlessly.