How do you get ready for a date?
Do you listen to soothing slow jam on the radio, while you shower and dress?
Or do you rock out to get pumped up?
Everyone is different, but most of us get butterflies in our stomach before a first date.
And whatever the reason, the feeling of anticipation is normal and we all have various coping mechanisms to deal with it – a hot shower or a manicure/pedicure. The trick is to get those butterflies flying in formation, so that you feel good and comfortable in your own skin.
Bottom line with dating is this: most people are looking for a connection – an honest and sincere connection. The best and most valuable connections you make usually stem from when you feel most natural and when the other person feels natural as well.
So how do you jumpstart your date, get comfortable and make the connection?
FIRST: Don’t have expectations
Get in the appropriate mindset and have NO expectations. Come to the date with the clear, positive intention of getting to know this person and to have fun. It’s not unusual to imagine beforehand how a date will play out, but these thoughts can sabotage us either way.
Sometimes we imagine a love fest. You both lock eyes across the table and share a moment where you realize you just “get” each other. You laugh at each other’s jokes and you immediately feel the chemistry.
Other times, we recall a nightmare date from the past. Okay, we’ve all had them. Admit it. Let me refresh your memories: The date that talked about themselves the entire time. The date you couldn’t wait to end because you both had nothing to say to each other. And let’s not forget the date that just smelled badly!
You literally can create the kind of experience you want simply by having realistic expectations — meaning — DON’T have any expectations. Be in the present moment and embrace the experience as it unfolds. Throw those thoughts of finding your “soul mate” out the window and instead hold onto the possibility of a healthy relationship. Forget about those bad dates from the past, because this is a new and different person, so stay open to the possibilities.
Everyone is different and we can’t expect to make a connection with everyone all the time. But by limiting your expectations and keeping a positive intention, you might find that no matter who you’re with, you’re having a good time.
SECOND: Focus on your date
Contrary to what many people may think, dating is not about you OR the other person, it’s about the two of you TOGETHER. This, coincidentally, is also what makes a great relationship – the combination of two individuals coming together to create a third entity with a mutual partnership between the two.
Confession time. Who has gone on a date and thought, “This person is perfect, but…?” Healthy relationships start from accepting the other person fully. Change is inevitable with any relationship, but that change has to be organic and not forced. It’s not about what you can make the person into, it’s more about how you can grow together. Change comes from your shared growth as a couple and that takes time.
So start by getting to know your date for who (s)he is truly and fully. How do you do this? Ask questions, but don’t interrogate. Having a barrage of questions fired at you is not fun. Have a conversation. Find out what is important to them. Talk about what is important to you. Get a response. If you’re clubbing or at a bar where it’s not that easy to have a conversation, change the environment on the next date to one more conducive to hearing each other.
THIRD: Be yourself!
The third tip is the easiest. Wear clothes you’re comfortable in, literally. Or to put it in more common terms — be yourself.
Leo Buscaglia wrote, “The easiest thing in the world is to be you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don’t let them put you in that position.”
Healthy relationships stem from honesty and trust. It’s not just with romantic relationships, but whenever we meet someone new we go through a process of first knowing someone, learning to like them and over time trusting them. The more genuine and sincere you are up front, the easier it is to maintain. I would literally go so far as to say, don’t wear a new outfit. Instead, wear something that you have that you’re comfortable with and that you feel good in. Believe me, it can make a difference.
As you get ready for your next date get those butterflies to fly in formation by singing, soaking, dancing or whatever your routine may be. Remember to find the joy in meeting someone new and getting to know that person for who they are and most importantly have fun!
Susan is an Advice Blogger for www.mylifecompass.comSusan’s daily goal is to laugh, be present and enjoy each moment without regret. Susan Kim Coaching, LLC is designed to support, educate and inspire women professionals to create better balance, accomplish more and live easier without compromising their career. Susan knows it is possible! Since 1994, Susan has been involved with business operations from development to management. Her business experience coupled with her educational background allow Susan to provide the support and guidance her clients need. Her clients feel more joy and start to take action from the very first session. Susan offers individual coaching, online services, group trainings and seminar presentations. She is a graduate of Cornell University (BS), Columbia University (MA) and Coach University (CUG). She has been honored as a nominee for the Maui County Mayor’s Small Business Award and is a recipient of the Pacific Business News Forty Under 40 Award which is given to Hawaii’s up and coming young business people. She has also been named by the SBA as a Home-Based Business Champion of the Year. Susan surfs and practices yoga as well as dabbling in photography, crafts, sewing and gardening. On her spare time she enjoys spending time with her family, which includes her husband, a cockatiel (Phineas) and a dog (Tia). Find out more at http://www.susankimcoaching.com.