We bring you millions of eHarmony men and their most popular “must haves” when it comes to a relationship. No more conjecture. No more opinion. Just the facts. Enjoy. As a bonus, we have 3 of the LEAST popular “must haves”.
I must have someone who can handle life's frustrations or momentary setbacks with a patient, steady, demeanor.
Steady. Patient. Sounds boring right? Not to men. The way we see it, the world outside the front door is full of frustration, danger, fear, and forces that cause chaos. The world within that door should do as much as possible to counterbalance all that. If love is battlefield, you want someone in your foxhole who can keep her head when the lead is flying.
I must have a partner who is gentle and kind.
When a man comes home at the end of a hard day, his ego in tatters, he's looking for a woman who's gentle and kind. When he thinks about someone to have children with he wants a woman who's gentle and kind. When he thinks about introducing her to his friends and family he wants a woman who is, you guessed it, gentle and kind. Nobody is perfect, but gentle and kind can make up a lot of ground.
I must have a partner who is honest and strong enough to do the right thing
Men are practical beings. When it's time to start thinking about the type of woman they want to live with and love for a long time the silly stuff goes out the window. What stays are values like: "I must have a woman who is honest and strong enough to do the right thing." Because a serious relationship means vulnerability; sharing secrets, sharing finances, sharing weakness; and a man needs a woman who can treat those things with the security they deserve.
I must have someone who is willing to explore our sexual desires with passion and understanding.
Sex comes in next. Don't pretend you're not shocked. The facts are a great sexual relationship is vital to a successful long-term relationship, and couples who are willing to discuss it, at the appropriate time, have a much better shot at making it last.
I must have a partner who is emotionally healthy, and able to share a stable life with someone else.
Every man has dated the crazy woman. She screams when she's frustrated. She calls him at 3 a.m. wondering what he's doing. She hits on his friends. Crazy is hard to forget and so men place a special value on a woman who has a deep well of emotional health.
I must have someone who is good at talking and listening.
You can ignore the stereotype -- the one about men just wanting a woman who will be quiet. eHarmony men want "a partner who is good at talking and listening." Simply put, if you're living a life with someone, you better be good at understanding what they think and sharing what you think. It takes two to tango.
I must have someone I can count on to always support me.
There is no greater pain to a man than a woman who talks about him behind his back; a woman who cannot find it in her heart to support him when he really needs it. Sure there's times when she thinks he's acting like a fool. That's when we need your support the most!
I must feel deeply in love with and attracted to my partner.
These responses, from millions of men, represent the most basic needs a man has who is serious about a relationship. "I must feel deeply in love with and attracted to my partner." It's a simple request, really. Life can be long and hard and a deep well of affection is a good thing to have on your side.
I must have someone who is comfortable giving and receiving affection.
When men think to themselves about the kinds of women they don't want "flinty" leads the list. They shudder thinking of a woman who is hard, unyielding and cold to the touch, because what men crave is affection; giving it and receiving it. They daydream about the smallest and most profound touches, especially if it has been a while since they've found a woman worthy of them.
I must have someone who is sharp and can enjoy the humorous side of life.
The most popular "must have" that eHarmony men choose is "I must have someone who is sharp and can enjoy the humorous side of life." While it is our interpretation, there is nothing to suggest that men are looking for a stand-up comic as a wife. Rather, this is a woman who takes life easy. A woman who laughs at the troubles, and is smart enough to know what's important and what's not. This is a woman who is a good partner for a long weekend in Paris, a car trip with the children, or a quiet evening at home.
BONUS Least Popular Must Have - I must have a partner who shares my willingness to volunteer and support community and/or social causes.
When it comes to eHarmony men the volunteer spirit is not a must have. We can hope it's a nice to have.
BONUS Least Popular Must Have - I must have a spouse who has saved herself sexually for marriage.
While clearly there are men out there who have an interest in virginity, eHarmony men rank it near the bottom. Perhaps this is because the average age of eHarmony users is somewhat older.
BONUS Least Popular Must Have - I must have someone who is willing to help me take care of my parents, now or when the time comes.
The least popular must have. Perhaps it's because a younger person just doesn't consider this a ranking concern. Maybe men feel that other must haves cover a range of attitudes and values that includes this one.
Breakups. Even the most amicable of parting ways can sting. When mourning the end of a relationship, be sure to avoid the following “don’ts” of breakup etiquette.