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The Real Reasons Men Go ‘Poof’

by Grant Langston, Senior Director, Content

We’re revealing the main reasons why a guy will just disappear after a few dates – with no explanation!

Two dates isn't a relationship.

Two pleasant evenings on the town may not entitle you to an explanation of his future romantic aspirations. You’re not having a relationship yet. You’re spending a couple hours together talking and perhaps kissing. Don’t feel slighted if a man you barely know doesn’t call and explain himself.

We don’t want to destroy you with a personality critique.

There is a school of thought that says, “If a man goes poof, WHO CARES WHY?” You’ve already learned the only important fact – he doesn’t want to be with you. Do you really want a hard look at the reasons? Are you itching for a personality critique? What if he says, “You have bad skin. You talk about yourself too much, and you are a terrible kisser.” Maybe he disappeared because he doesn’t want to end up crushing your self-esteem in an awkward conversation.

The reason is too embarrassing and we’re bad liars.

Sometimes men pass on a great woman because they’ve met 1) a more convenient woman, 2) a more sexually available woman, 3) a better-looking woman, 4) a woman their friends like more. Explaining to you that you’re great, but we’d like to be with a better endowed woman is, frankly, a little embarrassing. This puts us in the position of having to lie when you ask, “Why are you leaving?!” Some men are good liars and some are not.

Because we know you’ve heard, “It’s me, not you,” a million times.

It’s really the only thing we can say. “You’re great. I’m terrible. You’re going to find a great guy. I don’t deserve you. I’m just not in a place right now where I feel comfortable in a relationship. You’re such a catch.” On and on and on and on. Do you really want to sit through that conversation?

We have a misguided notion about the modern age of dating.

Some men think, “Haven’t we moved past all that old fashioned junk?” We text instead of chatting on the phone. We post updates on Facebook instead of meeting our friends. Everything is casual now and disconnected from the rules of the past. Who has the inclination to get face-to-face (or voice-to-voice) and have some old-fashioned break-up talk?

We’re leaving because we’re scared of how great you are.

Men who are scared of commitment will sometimes date four women they are lukewarm about rather than dating one women they really have feelings for. It’s a safety mechanism. Any woman who starts to stir real feelings gets the boot. Try explaining that one. So, POOF!

It allows us to maintain the illusion that we’re a nice person.

Every person likes to think they are nice. But clearly not everyone is a nice person. Walking away from a relationship where you’ve created expectations, made promises, and misrepresented your intentions is a convenient way to maintain the illusion that you’re a nice fellow.

We’re Emotional Midgets

Plain and simple. Many men lack the emotional maturity and vocabulary to sit with another adult and say, “This doesn’t work for me, so I’m going to go.” It can hurt to have a man disappear on you, but a relationship with an emotional midget is never going to work for long anyway. Good riddance.

You seem slightly unhinged.

If after a few evenings together you appear nice, but slightly unhinged, a man may come to conclusion, “It’s best to just slip away, rather than risk an unpleasant conversation.” We’ve all seen “Fatal Attraction” and have a fundamental fear of the bunny boiler.

We've been leading you on.

It happens. He knows that you won’t move forward without a sense of real love and long-term interest, so things get said, promises get made, and expectations ratchet up. He never meant any of it, and when it’s time for him to explain all that, it makes him feel like a con man. So…poof!

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